Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Psycho: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap
This week on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Dorit threw an extravagant birthday party for PK and Dorit called Teddi psycho.
Kyle asked Erika to meet her at the least lucky retail establishment you would find her purchasing a blouse. “Oh, look, it’s a crochet pair of culottes,” Erika whispered under her breath. “They are… interesting.” As she tried on a satin Members Only inspired jacket they spoke about PK’s upcoming birthday on a yacht party. “She asked me to help with her song and dance performance,” said Erika as Kyle swallowed the gum in her mouth. “Come again, what?” asked Kyle. How would Dorit disguise her weird accent while singing a ballad? Could she dip and squat while holding a microphone? Had her obsession with Erika gone too far?
Mikey the choreographer is known as one of the industry’s most in demand creative visionaries coordinating routines for some of today’s hottest music stars including Pink and Usher. A low point in his career was trying to train Gretchen Rossi from Real Housewives of Orange County how to speak into a microphone while walking. Standing beside Dorit and Boy George would seem like a fun departure from his groundbreaking work in dance movements, but then again Dorit did not really know how to sing. “I purposely chose a song where you can talk-sing the words,” said the 80s singer.
Erika shared with her former nemesis all the dance moves she had learned as part of her become a pop star dance training package. She taught her the way to stop, squat, and roll your spine. She showed her how to use your talons to summon someone from across a smoky boat platform. She even showed her the value of walking away from your audience as if you are in the Broadway production of West Side Story. This was beyond Dorit’s pay grade. She had spent the last few years moving from side to side at concerts while snapping her fingers. She was no Pussycat Doll.
None of the guests actually expected Dorit to blow back their hair extensions. She had never shown interest in karaoke. She was unfamiliar with the words to most music. For years she thought the lyrics to Raspberry Beret were raspberries and grapes. Boy George, her dearest friend (besides Lisa Vanderpump and the woman in charge of her wigs) reminded her that she would never be able to sell out a Starbucks, let alone a music hall. This was, after all, the only gift she could give PK they could actually afford.
Dorit invited everyone to this party. She told the event planners and all the corporate sponsors that each cast member would be there, which would make it possible to have the party at all. “If you want our casino tables and a caviar stand you better have a film crew,” said one vendor. “It would help if you threw in a cat fight right beside the banner,” they added.
She wasn’t much of a details oriented person, that Dorit. As Lisa Vanderpump pointed out she was a bit of a scatterbrain. She suggested to the sponsor that she and PK could arrive via space suits. “We are unfamiliar with anyone who sells that kind of apparatus,” said one vendor. “Can you take us via helicopter, but drop us off on a cliff and then shuttle us to the yacht in a pontoon?” she had her assistant ask.
PK and Dorit entered the party like exiled members of European royalty. PK threw himself into his mother’s arms. Dorit leapt in Lisa Vanderpump’s bosom. After dinner, caviar, and a gambling Dorit performed. The lackluster performance reminded Lisa Rinna how much she loathed being on a boat. Camille, Lisa Rinna, and Erika gathered their belongings as Teddi and Dorit sat quietly at the bar.
Dorit was confused by the whole wine glass issue. Why would Teddi make such a big deal out of her treating the catering staff like idiots and demeaning Teddi in the process? “How did I become the villain in all of this?” asked the woman with revolving hairstyles and a deep need to brag about material things. Teddi tried to explain how willing she was to move past it with the hope Dorit recognize that she can be off putting. Lisa Vanderpump slithered beside Dorit and offered a tutorial on glassware. “It is not our fault Dorit and I have had a taste for finer things,” she explained while holding a dog dressed in a tuxedo. Kyle tried with great effort to explain to Dorit that Teddi didn’t appreciate being treated like a peasant considering she had been late for their drink, she had invited her to be a guest in her home for a spa party, and she had a home with her name on the lease. Dorit lashed out at Kyle, and then called Teddi a psycho.
This odd moment didn’t make Teddi all that comfortable with the fact she had already invited the women to stay at her 5-bedroom beach bungalow in Dana Point. Would Lisa Vanderpump and Dorit agree to sleep in a children’s bedroom with twin beds? Would they hate looking at chairs purchased at Loews? Would they be able to drink lemonade poured from a plastic pitcher? She secretly hoped they would decline the invitation.
Other things that happened: Lisa and Teddi rode horses, Teddi and Kyle had a double date with her Latin lovers, and PK got a watch.
Two days imprisoned in a beach cottage.
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