My Baby Labor Advice for Princess Kate
- If you’re going to have an audience think about the invite list. When I was in labor with my first child my brother-in-law strolled into the room and I was too deep into labor shakes that I didn’t have the wherewithal to ask him to leave. I’ve seen him maybe three times in the four years since. Of course part if it could have been the fact he may or may not have seen my placenta.
- Think of labor like an athlete. It is your marathon. I find it minimizes horror film-like screaming. That said the nut bags who say they’ve experienced an orgasm mid-contraction are full of shit.
- If it starts to feel like someone is stabbing you it is time to call for an epidural. While it would be great to say you were able to launch a baby out of your lady pocket no one actually cares and you will not receive a medal. Just get the drugs.
- Your relationship with your husband may change slightly once he knows part of your physical healing process involves wearing a frozen baby diaper.
- Breastfeeding, while a beautiful bonding experience, can also feel like your nipples are trapped in a vice. Until you get the hang of it they might look mangled and torn into shreds.
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