Take for example the time I took my kids to the park and met a nice lady with a daughter the same age as mine. We chatted for a bit about local schools, where we grew up, and things we like to do in our spare time. She was very interested in how I stay in shape and how much free time I have during the week. And then because I tend to be a good listener she went on to explain the process she and her partner went through finding a surrogate. Ah, she was a lesbian. Fine. But then she started to ask me how often I came to the park and suggested we meet up again at her house so the kids could play and because she’d recently split with her ex. Oh, I see, I thought. She thinks I am a lesbian too. As she kept talking my mind started to wander. Is it because I am wearing Nike running shorts and a wife beater? Maybe I shouldn’t wear my hair in a low bun. Why didn’t I at least put on some blush before I left the house? WHY DID I MENTION I USED TO COACH FIELD HOCKEY? And then I started mentioning my husband in parts of our conversation that were not necessary. “Yes, this is a great park. I’ve got to get my husband Dan down here so he can see the exceptional structure of the slide.” She looked confused. I was stammering. And then I considered she wasn’t perhaps asking me on a potential date but probably just making friendly conversation. But by then I’d become so flummoxed that I am certain I freaked her out. She gathered her daughter and made a beeline for her car. So needless to say we never had a playdate.
Lindsay Lohan is in a rehab center in California with Charlie Sheen’s ex-wife Brooke Mueller. Apparently Mueller is desperate to hang out with her and strike up a friendship during their nightly meetings.
“Brooke is extremely eager to become besties with Lindsay while in rehab, and has told Lindsay how much they have in common. “Brooke’s publicist was Lohan’s one-time rep, Steve Honig,” and Brooke has even played the Charlie Sheen card, pointing out that Charlie helped Lindsay pay off debts to the IRS, so they both have a close relationship to him, according to Radar Online. “Lindsay has said that Brooke is a drug addict, and wants nothing to do with her,” the source says. “Lindsay has told her treatment team to keep Brooke out of her group sessions.”
So just to recap… Lohan doesn’t want anything to do with Charlie Sheen’s ex-wife because she considers her a drug addict. Because Lohan says she’s only done drugs four times in her life. All those times she’s been passed out in front of a nightclub or locked in a bathroom stall? She was just doing research. You understand, right? She was just pretending to be someone else as part of her ongoing acting training.
I actually think they’d have a good time together if Lohan would just embrace her in the same way she embraces shop lifting.
I don’t know. I see some friendship bracelets in their future. But if not I could always introduce Lohan to that lady from the park. That is if she will speak to me.