Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Late: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap

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This week on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Dorit aimed to relaunch her swimwear line, Teddi got annoyed when Dorit was late for a drink, and Lisa Rinna dropped a bombshell. 

SWIMWEAR

Before Dorit met PK she was on the cusp of going to the next level in international swimwear sales. He encouraged her to give it all up so that she could give birth to his children. Five years later she was ready to put her soul and the time of her manager and various assistants into developing a cutting age line of suiting made for a pool. The new line would be given a Hebrew name and would reflect the hopes and dreams of a woman with ever changing hair, often times severe makeup, a revolving door of trendy clothing, and a closet obsession with becoming a Euro-version of Erika Jayne. “Is your husband cool with this,” asked one of her assistants. “Oh, he’s totally on-board,” she said, “in fact he’s here hiding behind the counter.” The Nava team was unaware she had plans for a 2017 Resort Wear debut. How could they possibly whittle together a few crochet one pieces and a set of sarongs in time?

LATE

Teddi and Dorit made plans earlier that week. They were to have drinks at 4:00 at an establishment called Plan Check. By 4:33 Dorit had yet to arrive and Teddi had already peed out five glasses of water. By 4:42 she worried Dorit may have been trapped in a hole. “Are you alive?” asked Teddi when Dorit finally called. “I am fine, but barely alive,” Dorit replied. She had been in meetings having international calls with people from places where people lived. “I am so sorry to keep you waiting,” she sighed. She jumped off the call, into the bathroom to adjust her wig, down the hall to grab a lipstick, through the kitchen to smell the food she would never eat, and down the stairs to her driver who was waiting patiently in the Uber.

“I just was able to call you and I am on my way and will be there soon,” she assured her. (She was unaware you can text someone while on a call). “Ma’am, it will be at least another twenty minutes in traffic,” said the college student in a Geo Tracker who had been assigned to drop her off. “You know what, I am out,” said Teddi as she gathered her things leaving the glass of suddenly un-carbonated drink at the empty table in an empty restaurant. She would never forgive Dorit for this error in judgment.

PISSER

While Kyle’s menagerie of dogs urinated on her still undone floors she Facetimed Lisa Rinna who had been vacationing in Canada. She would fly from there to New York to co-host a show and then back to Los Angeles to film scenes for this show with people she openly hated. She enjoyed lunch with Erika who regaled her with tails of a trip to Tokyo with Lisa and the daughters that cut her no slack. Tom had just broken his ankle, which she would later admit to Mikey the choreographer put her in a state of constant worry. It was still unclear if Tom would ever appear on camera again. (Where is Tom?)

WORKOUT

After a mountain climbing class Kyle and Teddi sat down to chew on pieces of lettuce and drink vegetable juice. Teddi was surprised when Kyle explained Dorit’s sequence of events the days she left her alone at Plan Check. “It makes you think twice whether or not this person is a friend.” Later that week over guacamole Kyle teased Dorit about her tardiness. “It was always my impression we were to meet at 4:30,” explained Dorit. Kyle could clearly see that Dorit was exaggerating what had transpired, but reverted back to her House of Hilton style of coping to diffuse the situation. (Always pretend you have no idea what the other person is talking about, her mother always instructed them).

Moments later she admitted to Dorit she had sold two television shows loosely based on her life and began to weep. She was terrified of letting her sisters know, because they had already caused her enough emotional distress having the audacity to pursue her own success. Their complicated family matters had crippled her with anxiety.

TEARS

When Dorit explained to Lisa Vanderpump days later that Kyle cried into a plate of burritos Lisa became upset as well. Why would she talk to YOU about something so personal? You barely know her, Dorit. “I can only say that Kyle and I have bonded very much,” Dorit explained. Lisa considered slapping her across the face, but she remembered she wasn’t wearing any gloves. At the same moment Teddi, Camille (Patron Saint of Malibu), and Kyle enjoyed drinks across town. Yet again Dorit’s lack of accepting responsibility became front and center. “Was she drinking when she said it was twenty minutes?” asked Camille. It was no secret Dorit had made a total fool of herself at Kyle’s floor renovation and subsequent power outage dinner party. “Dorit is self absorbed and a bottomless pit of bullshit,” explained Camille. As Teddi explained it the world must suffer through The Dorit Show, an off-Broadway production about a woman who considers herself a member of the royal family but in fact lives in the suburbs and has a fake accent. “HELLO, I AM AN ACCOUNTABILITY COACH,” said Teddi.

ACCOUNTABILITY

As Dorit weaved her fingers through her hair, which undoubtedly took a team hours to style she noted she was under tremendous time deadlines. She debated ordering another glass of wine, remembering she had a hangover the night of Kyle’s party. “You mean the night you called Camille a see-you-next-Tuesday?” asked Lisa. “Oh, that was just a laugh,” said Dorit. “Can no one get my British jokes, even though I am not British?” “Was it funny though to say in front of Camille’s new boyfriend that she should get a strap on?” asked Lisa. Camille wondered if she could gift Dorit with a ball gag.

Before the dinner ended Lisa Rinna brought to everyone’s attention a lawsuit alleging Ken assaulted a woman. Lisa threw her hands up in the air as they all lifted their chins off the table.

NEXT WEEK:

Lisa Vanderpump versus Lisa Rinna.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Recap, Dorit, Teddi, Late

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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