Ladies of London

Ladies of London Recap: Oh, Julie

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On the season three premiere of Ladies of London Julie Montagu and her husband Luke officially take over his family estate, Marissa is pregnant with her third child, and Sophie, Caroline’s sister-in-law, finds herself caught in the middle of a feud between Julie and Caroline Stanbury.

OH, JULIE

Julie Montagu had accepted her fate. While it may have been someone else’s dream to inherit their in-laws old home, it had not been hers. Life would have been more enjoyable if she could spend her day making organic carob chocolate for her four kids and leading a class in crow pose. She would have preferred to ride her bicycle through London and make homemade energy balls in her kitchen. Managing a garden and getting tourists to agree to wed in a church covered in bird shit and moss wasn’t exactly the dream she had for herself as a little girl in America. She had instead envisioned herself rollerskating to the Xanadu soundtrack in a suburban Chicago rink. In one year she had gone from yoga lady with radiation hair to a lady of the manor.

DIVORCE

Caroline Stanbury was fresh from celebrating her 40th birthday party, an event she noted no other person could top. It was part of the problem being friends with Caroline, you could win an Olympic gold media, but she would still remind you she could probably lap you. To quicken the hangover process she had an assistant wheel in an IV drip, as one would do when they have access to piles of cash. As her sister-in-law Sophie laid beside her she reminded her that despite her emotionally draining divorce she would still have loyalty to her brother. “You are my friend too,” she assured her, “but he is my blood.” Once they injected the remainder of the vitamins into their blood stream they went into a deep coma.

OVER

Sophie had tried to make her marriage work. She met Alex at a party at the introduction of Caroline. “I only expected them to shag,” Caroline explained of her brother and Sophie, “so the joke is really on me.” Two kids, hundreds of bottles of volumizing shampoo, and a Range Rover later they decided to go separate ways. In the end what brought them together tore them apart. Sophie wanted someone to help her take care of their kids, and her ex-husband wanted to be the last person doing the electric slide.

THANK YOU JULIE

Luckily Julie Montagu was there to support Sophie, a job too big for Caroline since she lacked a heart and had agreed to move to Dubai because of her husband’s job opportunity. She could sit and talk through her sister-in-law’s fears for the future, but she had a decorator to hire and schedules to review. After the gift library combusted she had begrudgingly become a housewife, which she equated to sitting in a prison cell. Caroline warned Sophie about getting too close to Julie. “She’s got loose lips,” she warned her. “If you want our family business aired then talking to her is like giving someone a foghorn.” Sophie, who just wanted someone to turn to with a pulse, favored Julie, which drove Caroline crazy.

Julie summed up Caroline’s beef with her down to class. You can have all the money in the world, but you can’t buy a title. Caroline might swim in diamonds, but she can never have a fancy name and house. Julie might be an American with wedge shoes, but only she can be a Countess of Sandwich.

TEA

At an afternoon tea in the country Sophie asked her friends to join her to celebrate the end of her marital union. She would need emotional strength, a new body, and an online profile now that she was single. She made the grave mistake of calling Caroline the night before to prepare her for a showdown beside the sconces. “I have informed Julie that you said her lips are dangerous, so prepare for a shit storm,” she explained. It kept Caroline up all night long. She had enough to worry about with her family having to fit into a mansion in Chelsea before their move into a palatial estate in Dubai. Did she need to engage in a girl fight in the country? She did, which was why she showed up in a denim tuxedo.

Juliet, who had become attached to Caroline’s hip in the last year arrived carrying a dog and a chip on her shoulder. She’s had her own problems with Julie noting how when her husband was out of town the previous year she had sucked the blood out of her body. Julie Montagu was confused. She was all about sunbeams and rainbows. Couldn’t this all be fixed with a downward dog? Caroline Fleming, lady of Denmark, agreed. Between her father’s illness and the thought of granola bar crumbs all over her bed it was too much. “I am not saying you are dangerous, like you want to hurt someone,” Caroline Stanbury explained. “I just think you are manipulative.” Julie Montagu bit her bottom lip and tried to withhold the tears.

Adela, Caroline Stanbury’s dear friend and crop top lover, reminded them all to move forward. As Julie Montagu left that afternoon tea she walked with her head held high. She would not satisfy Caroline Stanbury’s dream for her to melt into a puddle of tears. “She’s a cry baby,” said Caroline as she waved her middle finger in the air. Julie wept softly in the collar of her flowered dress.

In related news Marissa gave birth to her daughter after a difficult high risk pregnancy.

NEXT WEEK:

Sophia and Caroline duke it out.

Ladies of London, Recap, Julie

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