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Most Important Points From Real Housewives of Orange County

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These are the most important things that happened on last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County.

Heather Is Still Pissed

1. Vicki apologized to Heather over warm tea in a martini bar for ever talking about her behind her back. Although she knew Heather looked down upon her for having trashy friends, living in the sticks of Orange County, and not having enough money in her bank account she still loved having her as a friend. Heather was taken aback because she doesn’t choose friends based on their race, creed, or socioeconomic level. “Have I ever talked about what I have or things I am buying,” she asked failing to remember they all had just celebrated the construction of the new mansion she was building on a hill overlooking the Pacific Ocean. She didn’t have the self-awareness to recall she’d bragged to her husband the previous morning that they were now employing two personal drivers. She forgot she only befriends people who also have marble monogramed foyers.

2. Things were still sour between Tamra and Heather. They had gone an entire Christmas holiday without speaking. She had expected different since she had just served as a bridesmaid in Tamra’s television wedding. But then she was reminded that Vicki told her in the first few weeks of filming that one day Tamra would turn on her. That day had come and she would make her pay by sabotaging her Good Day Live segment.

Good Day Heart Rate

3. Tamra and Eddie figured the segment would go smoothly. They’d show up, jump some rope, do some jazzercise steps, and then call it a day. Heather ruined the segment by getting dressed into her get-in-shape-girls workout gear with seconds to spare. She didn’t even bother to tie her shoes. As soon as Eddie started talking about the gym located 75 miles south of Los Angeles she walked away to get her mic-pack dislodged from underneath her jogging bra. There were no questions about membership deals or if they have any Zumba classes. She just walked back to the other co-hosts and pretended she had not shat on their dream.

4. In the dressing room Tamra tried to make sense of it all. Why was she icy? Eddie tried to remind her that it was a generous opportunity and that she should speak to her later when they have a Bravo producer feeding them lines.

Babies and Tiaras

5. Vicki’s daughter Briana is having another boy, thereby destroying her mother’s dream of repeating her own life.

6. Lizzie was a judge in the Miss Santa Monica pageant, which may or might not be a pyramid scheme.

No-mance

7. Shannon and her husband David had been fighting. He was tired of her complaining. He resented the way she spent their money on getting their daughters voice lessons and crystal massages. She just wanted to spend more time with him. But she tucked him into bed at 8:30 every night and then would work for hours on her computer ordering tassels.

Fig & Whatever

8. Tamra and Heather met up for lunch so they could reassess the deterioration of their friendship. Heather was sad about what had transpired on the daytime morning program exercise segment. She had hoped it would have been a nice moment between two contractual friends. She had been in pain the last few weeks dealing with the fallout of being chastised in the middle of a Christmas party. But Tamra felt like she had more of a right to be upset. She had been in pain for MONTHS now and besides which, Heather doesn’t even celebrate the birthday of Christ. But Heather, despite being the wife of a very powerful Extreme Makeover plastic surgery doctor did not in fact have the power to book guests. What would have made her happy? Not taking the job? Turning her back on a job that would allow her to talk about the weather, tricks for cleaning your gutter, and beauty trends for spring?

9. Tamra explained she was still harboring resentment for Heather divulging to Eddie at Shannon’s dinner party the very personal conversation she had on national television about trying to get impregnated with his baby. Eddie is private, she explained. So he didn’t appreciate hearing from Heather that she had spoken about something very personal and private even if it was discussed at a public restaurant in front of several cameramen and then aired throughout the United States and countless other countries and then in syndication.

10. Heather apologized while instrumental music borrowed from an ABC after-school special played softly in the background.

11. Tamra, feeling confident she had resumed her friendship with the actress Heather Dubrow, sold her new friend Shannon down the river. Maybe Heather would be kinder to Shannon if she heard all the details of the private conversation they had a day earlier in her living room? Shannon, she explained, was basically in what she believed to be an abusive relationship just like her previous marriage. But Shannon and her husband fought about spending time together. Tamra and Simon fought about her clothes being too tight.

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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