Every issue of Oprah’s O Magazine features an advice column from Dr. Phil. The jury is still out on whether Phil is really a doctor, especially since he apparently does not seem to have an actual license to practice. So I thought I might have a shot at replacing him. This is a question from this month’s issue.
Q: I recently broke up with my boyfriend of two years. We agreed to be friends, but since the split, he has behaved in mean and spiteful ways, and refuses to pay me $1,500 he owes me. His ex-girlfriend also revealed to me that he has spent time in prison. I’m starting to feel as though the entire relationship was a sham, and I worry that is this part of a pattern – I always seem to attract guys aren’t what they seem. How can I break this cycle?
Phil’s Answer: We don’t know if he is a deceitful jailbird, just because his ex-girlfriend says so, do we? You won’t get your money back. If you detect a pattern of preying to dishonest men, as yourself this: It is possible that you sense exactly what you’re getting into but don’t think you deserve better?
The first thing you should always do when meeting any guy worth your interest is to do a sufficient amount of amateur FBI investigating. An easy Google search followed with a sweep of all police department records in your county would have easily saved you from part of this heartache. Before you consider a third date you should know places they have lived, the names of their previous four ex-girlfriends, and at least four digits of their social security number. Yes, you have a pattern. Normal people don’t find out their boyfriend has been incarcerated, let alone by their ex-girlfriends. You can break the cycle by giving the dating scene a break for at least a year. Find yourself a therapist. By then you will have probably have a different perspective on where to meet a nice guy. As a general rule men who never want you to call them at their house or carry several different cell phones are probably not legit. Answering an email from a top Nigerian government official seeking funds never turns out well either. You are better off with an accountant you met through your dentist.
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