This week on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Lisa Rinna is accused of having loose lips and Kyle hosts almost everyone in Mexico for a Million Dollar listing inspired weekend.
Mauricio laced up his sneakers and reminded Kyle that he would meet her the following day in Punta Mita, Mexico. “How wonderful that you are opening your 10th office for The Agency,” said Kyle making sure to enunciate the name of the company emblazoned on his baseball hat. “Yes, it is remarkable what I have done,” he replied. They had practiced this conversation earlier that morning before cameras arrived. They went through the list of names of guests they would host for the company-sponsored trip. Dorit and PK would probably be available; they would never miss an opportunity to wear white pants and pink blouses. Lisa and Ken would come as well, even though it would force them to leave several of their dogs behind in the care of their housemaid Rocio. Erika would just need to make sure a neighboring property was available for her makeup and hair team. “One of the great things about having a husband with one of the top real estate companies is my ability to see properties all over the world,” Kyle raved. The infomercial continued once they arrived in Mexico.
Dorit and PK were surprised to find their suite had two king beds. “Now, remember, we like to have sex,” Dorit reminded the host. My apologies, Mauricio thought to himself, I did not take that into account when my company paid for your trip. Erika pulled Kyle aside and congratulated her for having a lifestyle that few people but her could understand. “Tom reminds me often that he is responsible for the livelihoods of other people, which is why I only see him on Wednesday nights,” she explained. “Mauricio does the same for me too,” Kyle replied. Luckily she had her Kyle by Someone Named Alene boutiques available now is several cities and her forthcoming television show based on her childhood in the 70s.
I THINK SHE IS SOBER
Lisa needed to pull Kyle aside and let her know that before she left she had a meeting with Eden on a patio outside her closet. She had agreed to the meeting only if Eden reduced the amount of times she discussed sobriety, juice cleanses, or crystals. She had not expected Eden to explain that her ongoing efforts to turn the show into Intervention was because she had been told by Lisa Rinna that Kyle’s sister Kim was half way off the wagon. “I think Kim is sober,” she surprisingly noted. “You do?” asked Lisa. (It did not correlate with archival footage of Eden mentioning her concern for Kim’s erratic behavior). “I would never question someone’s sobriety,” she said while anyone watching this show tilted his or her head in confusion. “I just know that she provided me with alarming information and whenever I bring it up she’s in the bathroom, fixing her bangs, or making sure Harry’s pies are fully cooked.” Yes, that is what she does, thought Lisa Vanderpump.
Kyle was confused. Lisa Rinna had visited her boutique twice that week. When she ran into her beside the leopard print jumpsuit rack she insisted Eden was triggered by her own relationship with her sister. “When she looks at you she thinks about her sister who died. She thinks she can save you and Kim because she now teaches Pilates and has several word tattoos.” Kyle shrugged her shoulders and then readjusted her fiesta dress. “Lisa Rinna needs to sew her lips shut,” said Kyle.
The others waited for news about dinner. “What are we eating tonight?” asked Dorit while PK played with his necklace medallion. They looked forward to a meal with adults after the lead nanny had a doctor’s appointment that week forcing them to take their kids with them to lunch. “Is this what you do if you bring a child with you?” she asked the hostess while placing her overly dressed infant on her lap. Dorit had lamented they would have to spend a few days away from the kids during their Mexican getaway. “It’s like daggers to your heart leaving them,” said Dorit, “so I have been told.” PK wondered if Jagger who suffered with speech issues would eventually have an English or American accent. The answer was unclear since his mother spoke a hybrid of Lohan-Maddona despite being raised in Connecticut.
SORRY, I AM LATE
Lisa Rinna arrived in Mexico late the next day. She had been in New York watching one of her kids appear in a runway show. “Can you believe she will be walking with Gigi?” she said to her maid. She spoke of Gigi like a mythical God. She showed the same enthusiasm with Camille who, oddly enough, also had a daughter appearing in a runway show. (It was for a clothing line called Nepotism). As they held hands at a corner table they congratulated each other on providing their offspring with angel hair pasta arms and strong cheeks.
No one was excited to see Lisa Rinna. “Oh, hey,” they answered. They all knew Kyle was about to rip out her eyeballs after dinner discussion the previous evening about Lisa Rinna’s loose lips. “I think she probably did say that stuff about Kim,” said Dorit, “because when I was at Eden’s house with her she pulled out a bag of pills. She said she likes to drink Xanax smoothies.” Erika wasn’t as convinced. “We are supposed to believe someone who invited us to an exercise class?” She had hoped Kyle would give her the benefit of the doubt.
Also notable: Erika explained no one owns the color pink, much less Lisa Vanderpump. Dorit thought Mexico was an island. Eileen saw her therapist.
Show down in Mexico.