Celebrities

Gwyneth Paltrow Marriage Advice Quotes

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Now that Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin have “consciously uncoupled”
(translation: getting a divorce), I thought it would be a good time to look back at some of Gwyneth’s marriage advice.

1. When in Doubt, Head South

“Whatever you’re feeling, do the opposite. Go at him with love and you give him a b–wjob.” (Chelsea Lately)
 
But what happens if you suffer from TMJ?

2. Pretend It’s Still 1952

 “I want to maintain my marriage and my family, so I have to be here when he [husband Chris Martin] comes home,” she said. “You have to be a wife.” (Harper’s Bazaar)
 
I’m also not sure women should vote. And who doesn’t love pantyhose?  

3. Don’t Check In

“Chris is a very mad scientist, genius songwriter,” Paltrow has said. “So I never say, ‘Where are you? You should be home by now.’ I never place demands on him, because I think he’s a really talented man, and he’s putting something good into the world.”
 
And then he would ask where you are and why you are with another man. 

4. Be Cool With Cheating

“I would like to think that I would be forgiving and/or forgiven, but I can’t give an honest answer as I haven’t really experienced that yet.”
 
Just kidding. My boyfriend is here. He says hi.

5. Family Time is Starving Time

“Sometimes when my family is not eating pasta, bread or processed grains like white rice, we’re left with that specific hunger that comes with avoiding carbs.” (It’s All Good cookbook)
 
And then I like to circle their fat with a sharpie.
 

Kate is a humor writer covering pop culture including celebrity gossip analysis and show recaps, pregnancy, and parenting.

0 Comments

  1. Cooked Pavement

    March 27, 2014 at 8:57 am

    Love this, I snaughed through the whole thing.

  2. Megan

    March 27, 2014 at 5:13 pm

    I want to hook up with Chris Martin!

  3. Katy

    March 27, 2014 at 5:47 pm

    got me laughing with the sharpie! hmm, i was eating a baked potato while reading it so…

  4. Andrea B (@goodgirlgonered)

    March 27, 2014 at 7:12 pm

    Bwahaha. Starving. Seriously.

    And then we eat paper instead. *eyeroll* Poor kids.

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