Humor

Don’t Get Drunk At The Company Christmas Party

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Don’t get drunk at your company Christmas party. This seems pretty obvious, but I have been to enough company parties to know most people think an open bar is open season. I like to think of myself as a life coach for millennials, even though I have no degree or certification to qualify as one.

I just simply want you to keep your job, so I have compiled a short list of tips including not doing rounds of shots at the holiday party. This way you can keep your job. 

  1. IS THAT AN ACTUAL JOB?

My stepfather used to tell my oldest sister who spent her college summers in marching band competitions “you know you can’t make any money flag waving.” Presumably he worried she would get her degree and then try to pursue a career expressing dynamic passages of music accompanied by a marching band during half time at football games.

Be realistic about your career options. Can you find a job that will allow you without any work experience to get a six-figure salary, company car, and eight weeks of vacation? No, you won’t.

  1. WEAR NICE PANTS

My first boss told me it was important for me to dress up everyday for work in heels and makeup and styled hair because when I spoke to a reporter over the phone they would be able to tell if I took care of myself. Understandably it would somehow be impossible to convince a securities reporter at the Wall Street Journal of the implications of a major lawsuit if I were wearing casual pants or had not taken the time to properly apply foundation to my face.

You will have plenty of time to let go of your looks once you get married and have kids, so dress up and look nice now when it really counts.

  1. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR PROBLEMS

My sister who worked in human resources also said that you should keep your life private. “Your boss doesn’t want to hear about your personal problems.” For example, it’s not their problem you are having a hard time dealing with the finale of Homeland or that your best friend “accidentally” may have slept with your boyfriend.

Keep the stories for happy hour with your friends who work at another company.

  1. DON’T GET DRUNK AT THE CHRISTMAS PARTY

My sister always told me I should never have more than one drink at the company Christmas party. This one I stand behind. I’ve been in the workforce for 17 years and I think this still holds up. You don’t want to destroy the hard work you’ve done all year by leaving your colleagues with the lasting memory of you tripping down a flight of stairs outside a banquet room while clutching a martini glass. I’ve stood beside a CEO when the guest of an employee walked up at him at the holiday party inquiring where her friend had gone. “Have you seen Meredith? She’s wasted and just left with two guys I don’t know.” Should her boss know that Meredith drank too many whiskey sours and might have been kidnapped? Now he’s going to second guess whether or not Sarah is cut out for customer service.

Lay off the booze even though there is an open bar and a great cover band. Does the Director of Human Resources need to see you passed out at the valet stand beside a puddle of your own vomit? The answer is no.

In the end it’s always best to just show up to work on time and do your job. Also, don’t ever get in a hot tub with someone responsible for your quarterly review. It’s just a bad idea.

Most important, just don’t get drunk at the Christmas party. 

Drunk, Christmas Party, Work, Job

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Kate is a humor writer covering pop culture including celebrity gossip analysis and show recaps, pregnancy, and parenting.

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