Dear Women Who Vacation With Leonardo DiCaprio
Dear Women Who Vacation With Leonardo DiCaprio,
While I understand everyone needs a vacation, this might be one trip you should sit out.
I get it that the man is rolling around on a yacht, but I’ve seen enough episodes of Below Deck to know that at least a few of you are going to have to bunk up. You won’t be spooning Leonardo in a master suite. You, the girl who only speaks Italian, and the Serbian model with the knife in her purse are going to be sharing cots outside the Captain’s bathroom.
Leonardo DiCaprio just invited you to be a contestant on The Bachelor. Except Chris Harrison is sitting this one out. There will be no rose ceremonies or eliminations. It’s just going to be you, the guy who played in Romeo & Juliet, his entourage of creepy friends, and 15 women who also want to have sex with him.
He’s 40 years old, wears a gold medallion that dangles in his chest hair and a ponytail.
This is a bad idea. Grab your Caboodle and your duffle bag and get out of dodge.
You will thank me later.
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