Dear Megan: Advice From My Sister
My dear sister Megan is — how shall I say this — a special person. She has a way with words, especially if you are seeking guidance. She isn’t someone to sugar coat things. She won’t coddle you. She is the person you call when you want the kind of life advice that slaps you in the face and then backhands you immediately after. It’s not always what you want to hear, but probably what you need to hear.
Despite the advice of my therapist I call her regularly for insight.
HER KIND OF ADVICE:
When I told her I had a falling out with a friend: “She sucked anyway.”
Upon telling her a Japanese couture clothing store wrote me a note on Instagram complimenting me on my personal style and asking if they can style me: “Have they met you?”
In my hospital room when I was in labor: “She’s only 3 centimeters? Why am I here now? I don’t want to be here all night.”
After my third baby when I was stressed out about nursing an infant, taking care of toddlers, and maintaining a corporate job: “Why don’t you do us all a favor and stop having children.”
When I told her an estranged cousin who may or may not have mental health problems contacted me: “Great, now I have to change my number. Tell him you haven’t seen me in years. Tell him I live in Costa Rica.”
MAYBE SHE CAN HELP PEOPLE?
A few weeks ago I asked her to guest a segment on my podcastwhere I forced her to watch her first episode of Vanderpump Rules. To my surprise my very direct older sister became a podcast celebrity. At a meeting with a television producer: “I loved that segment with your sister, you should have her back.” A tweet from someone who listened to the show: “Your sister is hilarious.” A text message from a mother at my son’s preschool: “I can’t stop laughing. Is your sister always like that?”
Yes, she is.
So I asked her to answer some questions from followers seeking life advice. Here were her answers.
I just found out my friend did not invite me to her third baby shower. Should I say something?
You are seriously upset about this? Is this the 7th grade?
Why would you want to buy another baby gift? You want to go to a boring party and sit across from people who are also miserable? Guess what? They don’t want to be there either!
The only downside is a party is an excuse to wear a nice outfit (not your gross work out clothes) and so show off your new handbag. Make dinner reservations and wear your outfit there.
My high school boyfriend and his family just moved into my town. What do I say if I run into him?
Who cares? I would hope you have moved on since high school.
If you see him just own it. “Hey, what’s up, how’s life been for you the last 15 years? By the looks of it I am guessing just okay.”
Besides, you probably look much better than his current wife.
What should I do about the parents on my son’s soccer team who are way to intense?
Thank you in advance,
Ignore them. Period.
The chances of their kid playing on a division 1 team, let alone a professional soccer team are pretty slim. They look ridiculous.
Don’t sit near them. Walk away. Don’t speak to any of them.
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