Parenting

Letter To My Kids About After School Activities

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Dear Kids,

Please file this letter in the ‘It Turns Out Mom and Dad Were Great Parents’ folder.

YOUR AFTER SCHOOL ACTIVITIES

I’d like to take this opportunity to discuss the amount of time and money your father and I have spent on after school activities. Let me start by saying that we love you and think it is important that you to have the chance to be yourselves, free from the structure of school. We know that after school activities work wonders for your development and that studies have proven they are linked to improving social skills, grades, coordination, confidence, and relationships. You all deserve a creative and physical outlet after long days of sitting in chairs at desks in a poorly lit rooms. We absolutely want you to develop talents and passions and learn how to push yourselves.

Keep these points in mind as you consider some of the results.

10 OUTCOMES

  1. When you were toddlers, your Dad and I got roped into believing that it was essential you learn sign language because it would help you all communicate before you were able to pronounce words. Guess what happened? You learned two words after six one-hour sessions. Your father could have watched a football game. I could have used that time to figure out how to flat iron my hair.
  2. We schlepped you to an overpriced music class once a week on the other side of town. Three of you refused to get off our lap and dance with the other kids. You went happily along with your days, but the songs they played still haunt our dreams.
  3. We could never get a straight answer from the tae kwon do instructors on the time it takes to get to the next belt. You know how many hidden fees are associated with enrolling a 4 year-old boy in a tiny ninja warrior class? PLENTY! Although it was incredibly useful to use the threat of Master John to get you to clean up your toys and brush your teeth, we worried every week you would get athlete’s foot. Thousands of dollars later we were left with one piece of wood split in half, an unflattering Halloween costume that no longer fits, and you can’t remember how to do a roundhouse kick.
  4. We bought an electronic keyboard for piano lessons. A year later it is covered in dust and a crayon is melted between the keys.
  5. We signed two of you up for soccer, but one of you picked flowers in the middle of the field during the games.
  6. We thought you might enjoy cooking classes, but we were all terrified to eat the “pasta” you brought home.
  7. The swim coach probably didn’t appreciate the time you vomited in the shallow end of the pool. We are most certain none of you will be competing in the 2024 Olympics in Paris.
  8. Hours were spent in a skateboard park. Plenty of money was spent on padding, helmets, and boards. The equipment sits on a shelf in the garage. No one learned how to ride up a ramp.
  9. Many Saturdays were spent in a dimly lit ballet studio. We can barely get you to go SEE the Nutcracker at Christmas time, let alone dance in it.
  10. We took you to horseback riding lessons for months, and you barely remember.

THANK US

My point is this; we are obviously wonderful parents. We could have spent that money and time doing something for ourselves, like reading a book or buying tickets to a concert. But we chose to spend that time and money so that one day you might earn an academic or sports scholarship, so we don’t have to pay for college. I am not saying you are letting us down, just that you should note that your Dad and I are exceptional people.

 

I would also like to remind you that when I was a kid I spent every day after school watching General Hospital by myself while eating hoagies.

Again, we are incredible people who love and adore you.

With warm regards,
Your Parents

After School Activities, Dear Kids, Parenting, Ballet, Tae Kwon Do

 

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mm

Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

2 Comments

  1. Chandi Jackson

    September 22, 2017 at 11:52 am

    The main point of sign language class was meeting us! We love you, celebrate your every success and enjoy your commentary. PS – Gar sent me the link to your article…he’s a fan.

    • mm

      Kate

      September 25, 2017 at 3:16 am

      That’s true! We did meet there.

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