Real Housewives of Dallas

Not Talking: Real Housewives of Dallas Recap

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This week on the Real Housewives of Dallas season two premiere Brandi and Stephanie revealed they were no longer speaking, an old police report surfaced, and Cary threw a birthday party for her husband.

CHANGES

Much had changed since the first season of Real Housewives of Dallas ended.

Tiffany and her Keith Urban tribute band singing husband disappeared, presumably locked inside the sanctuary of their closet or living in a city where he could pursue his music dreams. In her place the casting agents of Dallas found D’Andra Simmons and Kameron Westcott, two residents of Highland Park with bottomless checking accounts and hair.

STEPHANIE AND BRANDI

Stephanie and Brandi were no longer speaking, which was heartbreaking considering how much time they had shared in their joint vacation home, in each other’s backyards, and at La Bare, Dallas’ premier adult entertainment strip club. It had been four months of silence sparked by comments Stephanie made in her show blog about Brandi’s husband showing up late to a family party, which was like watching a slow motion car crash and there was nothing she could do to fix it. As a result Brandi pulled away and spent more time focusing on her marriage, which she needed in the end. Bryan, as you may recall, made it visually clear he hated being part of a reality show. Stephanie’s husband Travis, however, enjoyed it. Bryan would hide behind plants and voluntarily take work trips to avoid being on camera. Travis practically high kicked his way on screen. “You guys want to film us jewelry shopping?” he’d ask production. “Anyone want to see us run through some scenes discussing the redecorating of our son’s room?”

NOT TALKING

As with most friendships ripped apart by the stresses of filming a reality show they both needed to take some time for themselves to recalibrate. Stephanie built a strong bond with Cary, a wife, mother, and the owner of an aesthetic injectable practice. Brandi spent time with Leeanne, a charity organizer who had spent several years in the pageant and carnival circuit. Both provided a sound ear and shoulder to cry on, despite the fact Leeanne had spent several months in anger management therapy. Brandi was inspired by Leeann’s progress in therapy and hoped the others would see her transformation as well, despite former friend of the show Marie distributing a police report that said she had pulled a knife on an ex-boyfriend and scratched him in the face with sandpaper. No, the days of Leeanne throwing wine glasses and screaming on the side of a highway were long over.

KAMERON

Kameron had no idea her husband, a man she identified as a hobbit and with a name you could find in an issue of Southern Living Magazine, was from buckets of money. When they met as undergraduates at Southern Methodist they fell deep into nerd love. She was rigid about time and rules and he loved the way she spoke about the color pink. As their children Hilton and Cruise ran in circles around their nanny and housemaid she spoke about what important it was for her to learn how to cook a homemade dinner and develop an organic dog food line, which she intended to mass produce with the color of Pepto Bismol. “You’ve got to let go of that idea,” said her husband. He had learned in all the years they had been married it was important to pull down the balloon strings. Though she made it clear she enjoyed acting like a dim wit it was all part of an act. You let people think you are a moron, she explained, when in fact you are a stealth businesswoman.

D’ANDRA

Leeanne’s friend D’Andra joined the show after watching her wedding discussed during last year’s reunion. “I was at D’Andra’s wedding,” said Cary. “You were invited to the reception,” pointed out Leeanne, “there were only 50 people at the ceremony and I was standing beside her.” Who wouldn’t want to be at D’Andra’s wedding was the real question. She was born with a silver soup ladle in her mouth, the daughter of self-made millionaires. Her mother, who looked to be dipped in wax, defied science by remaining the same age since D’Andra’s birth. She still lived in fear of her mother, her boss at the family business. Though she had promised to hand over the reigns over ten years ago she had worried D’Andra was incapable of making large scale decisions, like using the corporate American Express card to buy office supplies and not an evening clutch. D’Andra would temper her fears by meeting with her weekly to discuss budgets and human resource headaches while eating breakfast prepared by a maid and served on wedding china while her husband Jeremy sat beside them. She would remain collected while her mother berated her not understanding budgets and for raising her voice. The bright light in her life was her husband Jeremy who had been previously married with two kids and had the rugged good looks of someone who was a stunt double for Chuck Norris movies. Though he couldn’t understand how to use a butter knife, he also enjoyed world travel and decorating their home with animal carcasses.

WORK IT OUT

Cary was throwing her husband Mark a birthday party at a bridal shop and wanted to make sure she minimized any potential cat fights. It had been some time since she spent any time with Leeanne and worried some of the wedding gowns would end up destroyed. She met with Leeanne on a bridge and the charity organizer suggested it be best if they both helped Brandi and Stephanie heal their wounds. Cary thought it would be better if she removed herself from their problems, especially with little time for anything outside of her family and smoothing out Dallas’ wrinkled foreheads.

Surprisingly in a car ride on the way to the party Brandi received a text from Stephanie advising her that Leeanne was up to her old tricks per Cary. They both took a swig from their plastic cups and Leeanne noted she now had a real problem with Stephanie. The car service driver nearly ran them off the road. What did that mean… REAL PROBLEM? Reminding herself of all the times her therapist Elizabeth told her she still had much work to do, Leeanne suggested they hold each other’s hands in prayer.

Inside Brandi refused to make eye contact with Stephanie. “May I talk to you, for a moment?” Stephanie asked her across the bridal store sofa. Leeanne didn’t think it was a good time. NOT HERE at someone else’s celebration of their birth. NOT HERE in front of strapless gowns and tiaras. As Brandi ran outside with her beaded gown flapping in the wind Leeanne pulled Cary aside to get to the bottom of Stephanie’s text. Maybe she was up to her old tricks, but she thought Cary didn’t want to get involved? DO YOU WANT TO FIX THEIR PROBLEM, Cary? No, she didn’t. Leeanne shouldn’t either.

NEXT WEEK:

Leeanne dresses up like a hot dog.

Real Housewives of Dallas recap, Stephanie, Brandi, D'Andra, Kameron,

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