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Courteney Cox Looks Youthful Because of Sleep and Water???

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Dear Diary,

I’m screwed. I just caught Courteney Cox’s new ad for Pantene. Guess what she says is the best way to stay incredibly youthful? Turns out it’s not a cold laser, Botox, a facelift, or regular dermabrasion and skin peels. You ready for this? WATER AND SLEEP. 

‘But I would say the most important thing to do to keep up with time would be drink a boat load of water and sleep is imperative.’

I’ve got three kids under the age of 4 including an infant. In my summation I have not had a good night’s rest since Christmas of 2008. No wonder I’ve become such a hag. I am surprised I haven’t been approached to model for a retirement home catalog.

Water? If I had known that I would have tried to wean myself off Hansen’s Diet Black Cherry soda year ago. Maybe I would have dialed it back on the vodka sodas. Does washing your face count too? Because sometimes I forget, and by sometimes I mean almost always.

Surely the exercise must help you look younger, right? But then that causes vein bulges and I have to tell you this new red nail polish only emphasizes my Madonna hands and feet.

And then to add insult to injury she says the only way to properly heal damaged hair is to use Pantene shampoo. ‘One day I was on the set of my show and my hairdresser said: “Your hair is different, what are you using? I can’t even get the comb through it” and I just said, “I’m using the same thing I’ve been using forever… I swear by Pantene’s Age Defy range.

Are you shitting me? All those years in high school I wasted on that horse shampoo Mane & Tail. How about the three times I had a Brazilian blowout? I’ve been wasting money on fancy salon shampoos when all I had to do was get a bottle of Pantene at the CVS?

I HATE EVERYONE.

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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