Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

A Condo: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap

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This week on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Max got a new condo, Lisa Rinna received an award for giving to the needy, and Eden became angry. 

NEW CONDO

Max, son of Lisa and Todd, needed new accommodations. He had long since outgrown the apartment over SUR, where he could go to sleep to the sounds of a trash truck removing the previous night’s garbage. Sometimes, if he put on headphones, he could ignore the sound of drunken patrons vomiting in the back alley or James Kennedy’s mix tapes pounding from the front dining room. Unbeknownst to Max his mother purchased him a condo, one that required the renovation of a team from Extreme makeover, to reward him for his good work removing plates at her restaurant. The new condo, of course, had absolutely nothing to do with the fact he had begun a search for his biological parents.

OVERJOYED

Kim was overjoyed by the upcoming birth of her daughter’s baby. “It’s our baby,” she told Kyle, as if the baby would be leaving her own uterus. Since Kim was in good spirits Kyle notified her Lisa Rinna had been telling Eden she was near death. “Apparently she thinks I am an enabler” said Kyle, forgetting all the times she looked at a tree or a car passing by while her sister slurred her way through a monologue on camera.

EXPLAIN YOURSELF

Lisa couldn’t remember saying Kim was near death. She said so much to Eden during a power walk meeting at a neighborhood park. “Sounds like you have been a busy girl,” said Rinna. “By busy do you mean counseling those that deserve love, light, and healing from the restraints of chemical dependency issues?” replied Eden.

Yet days later Eden and Kyle came to Project Angel Food, which serves people who are too sick and can’t leave their homes, to support Lisa Rinna. “Eden gave $2,000 to this organization, which supersedes my desire to kick her in the throat.” Kyle was late, because she was tending to details for her new show like whether to use baby laxatives to mirror cocaine and because she couldn’t locate the ubiquitous Agency logo hat. They all wore hairnets, which in some cases seemed to highlight their face lifts. (Erika was kind enough to note her weave needed to be pulled away from the macaroni salad). Dorit and Kyle washed the zucchinis like middle school sexual education teachers. It was the first time several of them had handled food. Rinna couldn’t help but notice Lisa Vanderpump was the last to arrive. “I had gate issues,” she explained, which was code for Rocio couldn’t find her pantyhose.

TROUBLEMAKER

The next day Eden swung by Dorit’s house to explain how she had somehow been caught in the Richards/Rinna crosshairs. “Allow me to prop my baby up on this couch while we talk,” said Dorit. She had assumed she had enough core strength at 5 months to sit with other adults on the love seat. Eden asked her son Jagger if she could borrow his shirt, which seemed plausible because they were nearly the same size. “I am not a troublemaker,” explained Eden. Dorit nodded her head. She intimated Lisa Rinna’s behavior might have had something to do with the bag of pills she keeps in her satchel.

AFTERNOON DELIGHT

Erika and Tom met for a 4:00 lunch, their first meeting that week. “Hello, Sir,” said Erika. She thanked him for having his secretary pencil in some time between trials. They embraced each other like co-workers at a retirement home. “Thank you for sending me the plane for my sing-song shows,” she said. He thanked her for understanding he would probably never have enough time to come to one of her shows. “I’ve got girls in my show now,” she explained. “I like your new video,” he replied. She had actually shown him Mandy Moore’s 1999 video for Candy.

AWARD SHOW

Harry Hamlin escorted Lisa and her girls down their steep driveway despite wearing unreasonably high heels and having a large enough space to accommodate a car close enough to the front door. On the car ride to her award ceremony presentation they talked at length about Delilah’s life mentor Gigi of the House of Hadid, supermodel and champion walker in expensive clothes. Once there Lisa noted Lisa Vanderpump couldn’t make it.  “I went to her stupid dog parade last year, but she can show up whenever she wants. Eileen was given a pass because she had an infection, so she couldn’t wear any makeup.

“I like attention, but I don’t, if that makes sense,” explained Rinna. “There is only one good side of Lisa Rinna,” said Kyle, “and tonight I will honor that.” Lisa thanked everyone for attending and held her award close to her chest, as it was admittedly probably the only award she will ever receive.

NEXT WEEK:

A girl’s night out goes horribly wrong.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Condo, Recap, Lisa, Kyle

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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