Parenting

My Christmas Letter 2016

By  | 

I have started to write an annual Christmas letter, which I include with our annual holiday card. Here is this year’s card for your enjoyment. 

CHRISTMAS LETTER 2016

Dear Family/Friends/The Person Who Stole This Letter From Someone’s Mailbox,

Happy Holidays! We hope that you have had a great year.

Here’s a quick recap of our year…

SNOW THANKS

In February, Dan took the kids for his annual investor meeting in Utah. Fortunately for me, I had given birth to Sutton a few months before, which gave me a plausible excuse to avoid traveling to an ice prison for a long weekend vacation. Sorry, my uterus is still sore, so I won’t be able to do a Shining movie-inspired trip. I was not surprised he texted me the following picture of the kids one day into snow activities.

Snow, Christmas Letter

TRIP

We took a family vacation to Hawaii in July. Due to a last minute snafu, Dan was booked on a different flight than all of us to and from Maui. So, yeah, that was fun. The kids loved swimming in the ocean and Jack asks regularly when we can buy a house there. We have explained to him that it all depends on whether he can develop an iPhone app.

Hawaii, Christmas Letter

GHOSTS

We are still pretty sure the house is haunted. I took video of Mia and Jack playing in their room and was alarmed to see orbs floating across the screen. Our television in the garage mysteriously turns on in the middle of the night. Our babysitter says she hears foot steps when she’s home alone with the baby. On occasion the central vacuum system mysteriously turns on, despite not having a hose plugged into the wall. I am hoping it is the ghost of Corey Haim or Whitney Houston, given my love of the 80s.

HIGHLIGHTS AND NON-HIGHLIGHTS

Highlights of the year included trips to the beach, birthday parties, visits with friends, and walking other people’s dogs. Non-highlights included the time everyone got the stomach flu while Dan was on a work trip, the time the handyman sent me a weird text in the middle of the night, and the time I tried to roast a chicken on Easter, which tasted like bricks.

UPDATES

Dan was named by Ernst & Young as a finalist for its 2016 Entrepreneur of the Year Awards. In related news, Gwyneth Paltrow commented on my picture parody on Instagram.

Mia started a new school in the fall. She plays piano, loves poetry, and reenacting Sia music videos in the living room. She is a sweet older sister and asks me regularly if we can take in another child from the homeless shelter. As you can tell, she takes after her father.

Jack complains regularly that we have too many girls in our house. He enjoys building Legos, riding his bike, and spending time with his friends from school. He still looks like former President George W. Bush.

Hayes loves to take care of her multitude of baby dolls, which she inexplicably prefers to keep undressed. She may have the body of a 3 year old, but has the attitude of a CEO of a Fortune 500 company (or a prison warden). We enjoy watching her #give30percent in her ballet class every Saturday morning.

Sutton (Sutty) is the happiest baby. She prefers to be around her brother and sisters and has a special affinity for her father, despite the fact I pushed her out of my vagina. She loves baby dolls and almost every food with the exception of avocado and any desserts I bake. Dan says it’s because I use gluten free flour, which he says tastes like granulated cardboard.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS

We send you best wishes for a Merry Christmas and a happy holiday. We look forward to a healthy and happy 2017 and we hope to see each of you in the coming year.

With love,

Us

Christmas Letter 2016

Christmas Letter 2016

Join the newsletter

Subscribe to get our latest content by email.

Powered by ConvertKit

Kate is a humor writer covering pop culture including celebrity gossip analysis and show recaps, pregnancy, and parenting.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *