Our 2017 Christmas Letter
2017 CHRISTMAS LETTER
Dearest Loved Ones,
We hope this finds you well. Happiest holiday wishes to you and to yours. Merry Christmas.
It has become increasingly apparent that we have seen few of you in the last year unless we happen to work in the same building, have kids at the same school, or frequent the same Ralph’s, CVS, or Ace Hardware. As we have in years past we intend to use this as an opportunity to catch you up on the year.
January: We realized Mia spends too much time watching YouTube because she performed the entire video of Chandelier by Sia. Dan and his college buddies Travis and Jason got floor tickets to a UCLA-USC basketball game and an invitation into the locker room to hear the coach speak. Kate ran into Keith Morrison from Dateline NBC and let him know how much she enjoys his work covering murders. Jack showed Sutton how to unplug the television.
February: Hayes told her teacher at Pop’s Night Out that Dan eats copious amounts of candy, drinks apple juice, and likes to wear dresses when he is at home, none of which are true. #FakeNews. We were reminded our house is haunted when the family room lights mysteriously went on and off without anyone touching the switch. Kate had a psychic medium come to the house to assess the situation and was told the house wasn’t haunted, dead people just like her. Dan went to New Zealand with his YPO buddies. Kate went to Costco.
March: Jack started playing baseball. His mother got the game times mixed up twice, so he missed the games. On one of those occasions she was in charge of snacks. Hayes learned why a 3 year old is incapable of changing her younger sister’s diaper. Mia dressed up like Amelia Earhart for her school presentation.
April: Dan hired an 80’s band to play Kate’s birthday party. Everyone was surprised by how much he enjoyed being dressed up like one half of Run DMC. Sutton was terrified of the Easter bunny.
May: Kate appeared on Good Day LA to discuss Oscar fashion. In her highlight reel she noted how Katy Perry’s red organza gown was the perfect choice to wear the week you have your period. In a Mother’s Day letter from school, Hayes noted how much she enjoys having her mother take her to the movies. It should be noted it is actually her father who takes her to the movies. Everyone got the stomach flu.
June: At Jack’s junior kindergarten graduation ceremony he revealed his natural talent for dancing hip-hop. Kate was the emcee for the annual handball tournament at Mia’s school, and for no reason dressed up like a physical education teacher. We made the mistake of bringing all four kids to a fine dining restaurant; luckily there were no candles on the table.
July: Dan was thrilled to see many of his favorite tennis players at Wimbledon. Kate was star struck when she saw Jerry Springer at the pool at the Hotel Coronado. Mia and Hayes celebrated their joint birthday while their mother wept in a corner. Jack started taking skateboard lessons. Sutton proved to be a fearless swimmer. Dan enjoyed throwing the kids into the pool and playing games. Kate rarely went in the pool because she hates getting wet, being in the sun, and exposing too much skin.
August: Mia and Jack completed a surf camp. Hayes and Sutton became convinced Moana was a real person.
September: Jack started at a new school. The family took a vacation to New Jersey and it rained every single day. The kids became obsessed with Aunt Megan’s new dog prompting pleas for a dog of our own. “Don’t you think mom picks up enough poop?” Sutton turned two years old and became obsessed with lip-gloss.
October: Halloween costumes included Maverick from Top Gun (Dan and Jack), unicorns (Hayes and Sutton), a fairy princess (Mia), and a whoopee cushion (Kate). We had a slab leak, resulting in various holes in the walls throughout the first floor. “Sorry the house looks like its World War II,” we’d have to explain to visitors.
November: Kate twisted her ankle in an unfortunate karaoke incident. Our friends the Sullivans celebrated the Thanksgiving holiday alongside the Cohens and Mkat and her Marine husband Bill. We openly admitted we got the whole thing catered, because we wanted to make sure they had delicious food for the holiday.
December: Dan went to the White House. Mia cheered at a Chargers football game, Jack’s improv teacher let us know he excels in comedic arts, Hayes had her Christmas recital but reserved her most impressive moves for the food court at the mall, and Sutton is in a one-way relationship with our Alexa because the device doesn’t understand anything she says.
2017 ROUND UP
Mia enjoys cheerleading, volleyball, and doesn’t understand why we can’t get her a guest slot on the Ellen DeGeneres Show. Jack loves Legos, his friends, and any opportunity to get out of the house because he’s sick of girls. Hayes enjoys dolls and has become somewhat of an Instagram celebrity for her #gives30percent videos while her mother works tirelessly to get people to listen to her show. Sutton is proving to be an independent thinker with a sweet disposition. Much like her mother she is a baby hoarder.
Dan’s work took him all over the globe, his staff continued to grow, and he received several awards. Kate’s podcast about reality television became top rated on iTunes featuring interviews with American heroes including Randy Spelling, the guy who dated Luann de Lesseps on Real Housewives of New York, and the guy who went to rehab on The Hills.
We leave you with best wishes for a happy new year in 2018. Please remember when booking your vacation that we basically have no social life, so we appreciate any invitations. Yes, we do understand there are 6 of us, which may be overwhelming to people with less or no kids.
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