Uncategorized Posts
Oscars 2013 Recap: The Car Crash Moments
Here are my most notable moments from the 2013 Oscars. 1. Why are you at the Oscars? Brandi Glanville can score an invite and somehow Jennifer Lopez and her backup dancer boyfriend were left off the list. Wait, maybe there is justice in America? 2. What was wrong with Kristen Stewart and … Continue reading
As IF Jennifer Lopez Bakes Cupcakes
”School cupcakes. Mom duties. Best feeling ever.” What probably really transpired? J. Lo sits in her double claw-footed tub amidst a sea of white candles and lilies while her back-up dancer boyfriend stands beside her with an oversize fan. “Bear”, she whispers. “Call down to Consuela and let her know that she needs to let my mother know that someone left a message on my third assistants voicemail that said … Continue reading
I’m Launching My Own Celebrity Perfume
This week Ivanka Trump announced the launch of her own fragrance, which was obviously a huge thrill to the tens of women who have been waiting to smell just like the daughter of the host of Celebrity Apprentice. Celebrities sign contracts with perfume houses to associate their name with a signature scent as part of a self-promotion campaign. Because when you want people to think of you as a brand … Continue reading
98 Degrees Announces New Album, N’Sync is Devastated
Today my heart goes out to Joey Fatone, Chris Kirkpatrick, JC Chasez, and Lance Bass. You might remember them as four of the five members of the American boy band N’Sync formed in Orlando, Florida and managed by the sumo pervert Lou Pearlman. Their hit “Bye Bye Bye” played at many high school proms and their posters adorned the walls of many pre-pubescent teenagers and middle-aged women in unhappy marriages. … Continue reading
Secrets Behind Reality Star Appearance Fees
One of the unspoken ways celebrities get extra cash is to make personal appearances. This is the bread and butter of the reality show circuit. Brandi Glanville, for example, admitted on Howard Stern yesterday that the first season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills she made $18,000 and this last season she made almost $140,000. Her castmates, however, made $250,000 each. This is why they make every effort to shill … Continue reading
Recap: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – White Party Lies
Kim invited all the girls over for her rhinoplasty unveiling. It’s an old Beverly Hills tradition. You get your nose hacked up or you get a new set of jugs then you invite all your friends over for queso dip, chips, and iced coffee. Everyone was thrilled to see Kim wasn’t drugged up on pain meds and that she basically has the same nose she had before. Adrienne complimented the … Continue reading
I Want to Dress Like Rihanna
The other day I was looking through my closet at the sea of black v-neck sweaters, skinny jeans, and Tory Burch ballet flats and thinking to myself that I need a change. Sure, I am in my 30s. Yeah, I happen to be 5.5 months pregnant. But this uptight Philadelphia-born lady could probably learn a lot from the pop stars of today. I mean, what mother of nearly three children … Continue reading
Jessica Simpson Tried to Make Her Fiancee a Clothing Designer
Jessica Simpson met a newly divorced guy at a party a few years ago. He had been dropped from his NFL football team and had finally decided to enroll in business school. But once they started dating he became her traveling buddy and therefore had no use for school or a career. He became her companion. Jessica, as you know, has somehow amassed a fortune selling costume jewelry, plastic shoes, … Continue reading
Valentine’s Day Advice for Men
Dear Gentlemen, Technically you should have been putting in the effort all year long. Pulling out your bag of tricks on the 14th day of the second month of the year is weak sauce. But if romance is not really your thing, then you better come up with something borderline incredible. You’ve had 364 days to come up with something, so buying a bag of stale chocolates and a DVD … Continue reading
Celebrity Photoshopping: Before and After
Wouldn’t it have been great to have PicFx or Instagram’s editing ability when we were kids, specifically our teenage years? I can think of several pictures that I would have happily doctored to erase my adolescent volcanic acne eruptions or the food unknowingly lodged in my metal braces. It would have been incredibly helpful to be able to digitally nip and tuck several of my prom photos or any pictures … Continue reading