Uncategorized Posts
Tom Cruise’s First Scientology Bride Audition
Vanity Fair is coming out with a balls-to-the-wall piece in their October issue on how the Church of Scientology chose Katie Holmes to be Tom Cruise’s robo-bride. This, as you know, has been something I have been saying for years on this blog and at dinner parties. The issue is not yet on stands but they have a short version of the piece (a teaser, if you will) available on … Continue reading
LeAnn Rimes Asks Me for Advice
Dear Kate, My husband Eddie and I are celebrating our 17-month anniversary this month. I am looking for something special since I will be spending the majority of the next 30 days at a treatment facility for anxiety and stress related matters. Any ideas on something romantic? Ideally something sweet that also happens to function as a secret listening device. Also, just a note, he already has a collection of … Continue reading
I Translate LeAnn Rimes Treatment Center Press Release
As you know, I have a master’s degree in celebrity press release decoding. When it comes to Hollywood the excuses are epic. Drugs are exhaustion. A mental breakdown is a yoga retreat. You get the idea. LeAnn Rimes, wife of celebrated cheater Eddie Cibrian has just announced she is “seeking help to address emotional issues.” Here is the release via People Magazine and my translation. LeAnn Rimes Enters Treatment for … Continue reading
Kim Kardashian Thinks She Should Get a Star on Hollywood Walk of Fame
Kim Kardashian in V Magazine interview: “I think there was a quote where somebody said that reality stars will never get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. So, of course I’m so competitive that I think that it would be a huge achievement and a goal that anyone would want. I would love to break that mold.” The Hollywood Walk of Fame stars are permanent public monuments to … Continue reading
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Taylor Swift Writes Email to Boyfriend
Hi Baby, Hope you’re having a good day. How’d that trigonometry exam go? Let me know if you are still having problems. I’ll have my manager’s sister-in-law call you. She home schools her kids and is available most of the day except 1:00-2:00 when Days of Our Lives is on. Yesterday was weird. I had interviews all day about my new song. Everyone keeps asking whom my song “We Are … Continue reading
Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: By The Way, I Hate You
It had been a long night already. After having buckets of fried zucchini balls and several cases of wine tensions were already high. The men knew this, particularly Joe Gorga who understandably decided to cut the tension by disrobing to his banana hammock and jumping in the hot tub, which was conveniently located right next to the cannolli station. If there was anything that could make the room feel at … Continue reading
Jennifer Lopez Worries Boyfriend May Stray
InTouch Weekly says Jennifer Lopez has been checking Casper’s phone. Ever since that exotic massage episode where he was caught by photographers leaving the front door there has been tension. Her team of advisors thinks she needs to wake up from her lollipop dreams and get rid of this guy before she heads off to some island and makes him her husband. Logistically it is harder to get rid of … Continue reading
The Bachelorette Charade Is Ending
Jef Holm invited Emily Maynard to his family’s beach house so they could all meet the girl he chose to marry on a reality TV show. Things were going pretty well until he checked her cell phone and found out she’s actually been sending racy photos and texts to another man. Jef, a sweet sort-of Mormon with unkept hair and apparently three brain cells had not seen the red flags. … Continue reading
Prince Harry Apology Letter to Queen
A letter from Prince Harry to Queen Elizabeth: Dear Your Majesty, Please accept my most humble apology for the mistakes I made this weekend in Las Vegas. It was, as you know, an unfortunate lack of judgment on my part. I should know better and will do everything in my power to restore honor and grace to the Royal family. I shall make every effort to let the people of … Continue reading