Catching Kelce

Catching Kelce Recap: Meet The Contestants

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On Catching Kelce Kansas City Chiefs tight end and 2016 Pro Bowl Select Travis Kelce has been unlucky in love despite his chunky sweaters, thick gold necklaces, and eerie similarities to 90s rapper Vanilla Ice. With the help of a production team fifty eligible women—one from each state and with careers ranging from model, stylist, and esthetician—have put their lives on hold to convince a professional football player he should give up a life of STDs and groupies for lasting love. 

THE QUEST

During this quest for love he is joined by famous friends and family members who will help him narrow down the playing field along the way including his practically a twin brother Jason and his manager Aaron. In the end Travis will ultimately have to make enough preseason cuts to dwindle the contestants down to one. 

15 MOST NOTEWORTHY MOMENTS FROM CATCHING KELCE

  1. Travis explained the most important qualities he is looking for in a significant other are not high moral values or shared hobbies, but the ability to hang out with other football wives and willingness to attend red carpet events.
  2. Half of the contestants have appeared in pageants and the other half have been back up dancers in VH1 music videos.
  3. Contestants were asked to stand in marching band formation in the center of the football field and shake pom poms bearing t-shirts with the name of their state. Afterwards they were given 60 second to tell Travis about themselves before the group was cut down to 20. Anika from Minnesota talked about her cat, Crystal mentioned she recently caught a bouquet at her sister’s wedding, Jordan bounced around her jugs, a woman from Pennsylvania stood silently while crossing her eyes, and the contestant from Virginia held him with breathing heavily. One woman sang a love ballad off key, the lady from Kansas noted her brother found love on The Bachelor, and someone rapped.
  4. Travis seemed most interested in the woman who mentioned within twenty seconds she wants to be impregnated.
  5. The final twenty women were notified they would be living for the foreseeable future in a rented mansion filled with twin beds and security cameras. A self-professed house mom gathered the women together to inform them of the house rules, which included cleaning up spilled wife and not clogging up the shower with your hair extensions. Veronica from New Jersey said she felt blessed for the opportunity.
  6. The first physical and psychological challenge was given, they had twenty minutes to get dressed and in full makeup for a cocktail party on the roof of the Roosevelt Hotel with Travis’ friends and teammates.
  7. Several women including Jaclyn, Maya and Ceecee noted they were best suited for Travis because they understood his lifestyle, specifically how important it was for the woman in his life to keep a low body weight and enjoy having non-conversations in social settings.
  8. Travis wore a red velour suit to the occasion because it had an enviable texture should anyone be on hallucinogenic drugs and it had enough stretch for twerking. “I can see through your suit you have passion,” said the woman later eliminated from Connecticut.
  9. Anika from Minnesota made a lasting impression by wearing a fur colored coat, asking what cologne he wore (so she could buy the same), interrupting his conversations, and offering him a beer. “Bro, do you need a drink?” she asked.
  10. Travis took most interest in Avery, the daughter of a former Denver Broncos player. “My name is not April, it’s Avery,” she explained upon their first conversation, “there is a big difference.”
  11.  Lexi from Georgia plugged her makeup and beauty tips. “I’m famous on the Internet,” she explained. “I have a million YouTube followers.” Travis wondered if she was there for the right reasons. “Is she here for me or for her brand?” he wondered as Lexi mouthed the words to her Twitter and Instagram handles to the camera.
  12. “Thank you for your intellect and conversation,” he told the candidates at the conclusion of the cocktail party.
  13. Instead of a rose ceremony contestants were ousted via elimination round up.  London was let go because she overly praised Jesus. (She was a Born again Virgin who had just been “reborn” in the weeks before the show began filming). Crystal was eliminated because he worried her years of pageantry made her lack the ability to have an opinion. Despite Kara’s geographic advantage (she was from Kansas) she looked too much like her brother Tanner who had just gotten married on ABC that winter. He kept Ceecee despite spending the cocktail party getting squirted in the face with a squirt gun filled with tequila and Lexi even though she wore a dress made from scraps that barely covered her vagina. He chose Victoria over Jordan because though she small chested and gave him an initiation “friend vibe” was willing to stick her throat down his tongue to prove she was sexually aggressive.
  14. Upon their return to the mansion the remaining contestants screamed and jumped into the arms of the contestants who had already made it through the next round.
  15. Travis went back to his own mansion so he could shine his gold jewelry.

NEXT WEEK:

Tears and judgment.

Caching Kelce, Travis Kelce, Recap,

 

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Kate is a humor writer covering pop culture including celebrity gossip analysis and show recaps, pregnancy, and parenting.

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