There Goes The Motherhood Recap: Psychic Readings
This week on There Goes The Motherhood Beth’s cousin harassed Jen at Leah’s party, Beth told her kids she was getting divorced with a picture book, and a psychic gave them readings.
The guests were confused at Leah’s party. They had expected an inappropriate sexual scene as per the evite noted, and not for a flamboyant relative of a woman in a mom’s group to chase down a woman in a cocktail dress. Leah asked him kindly to place his finger back into suit pocket and grapevine out the front door. “You know what? I am going to stand by my family,” he said while balancing on one loafer. “This is LA,” he screamed at Beth, “and not Staten Island,” which she appreciated because she couldn’t get access to Google Maps because the John Snowden House has crappy Wi-Fi. Beth could not keep her cousin contained. “I am not okay with that,” he explained to Meghan in the woman’s bathroom, “especially when they are being fake to me.” He had started to believe after ten lemon drop shots that he was also in a mom’s group despite the fact he was born with a penis and had therefore never experienced a menstrual cycle or what it feels like to have a baby rip apart your nipples with their jaw. Meghan let him rest his sweaty head on her shoulder as she always did with drunken strangers. It was part of her charm. She was a young mother, a solid wife, and the lady who was willing to talk to inebriated nutbags beside the toilet at a nightclub or restaurant.
Jen just wanted everyone to understand that a man who obviously listens to Clay Aiken’s greatest hits in the privacy of his Mini Cooper was following her with a glass. What if he had thrown it at her even though it was clear he never played on any sports teams? “There Jen goes again,” said Stefanie. “Always with the drama.” But as Jen pointed out the men of Los Angeles allowed this boy band reject to harass her at a 40th birthday party. Leah’s husband sat by the counter chewing on a chicken skewer. If they were in New York someone would have shoved him into a trunk, driven to a bridge, and then driven away.
Leah thanked her friends and family for standing beside her on this milestone even though secretly all she wanted to do was go home and get in bed with her kids.
WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?
The next day as Beth’s kids swam around Stefanie’s pool she was still uncertain why everyone was upset her cousin Billy tried to destroy Leah’s party. “What does bringing the asshole to the party have to do with me?” she asked. Stefanie felt like she was talking to a wall. Maybe if they just tried to see what they had in common this crap fest would end?
That week in mom’s group they assessed the repercussions of the party and whether they could all move forward. Beth gave Jen a non-apology and then broke into tears when considering how her kids will react to their parents splitting. “I just want to skate through this,” she said after acknowledging that in her family of origin they were told to pretend that life is full of raindrops and pathways lined with Skittles.
Stefanie changed gears by asking everyone to come to her house for drinks and a psychic reading.
LEAH AND BILL
Leah and Bill hired an expert to help them fine tune their communication skills.
Leah: “I am a talker. I like to get answers from him on whether he will be home for dinner or before the kids move onto third grade. He is a man of few words, so I often confuse him with a mute.”
Leah: “I often get furious because I need to explode in order for him to see that I need him to pay attention to me.”
Bill: “We have had several situations where words can not solve things.”
Leah: “Because I was vulnerable I felt alone.”
Bill: “If I feel like I am being lectured I walk away.”
Leah: “By the way, a lecture is less than five words. Can you help me? 4 words. He wants to jump out a window.”
Bill: “I don’t understand why I trigger emotions.”
Expert: Give me a scenario so I can help you work through it.
Leah: “Every time you go to the Cannes Film Festival, which is known for holding yachting parties flooded with hookers I won’t hear from you for 2 weeks.”
Bill: “I guess what I am learning from you is that I shouldn’t try to problem solve. I should just have empathy. By the way, what is empathy?”
They agreed to communicate better, but would use the last 30 minutes before the babysitter left to bone on the velvet couch.
At Stefanie’s house a psychic predicted Meghan would get pregnant again. She also explained the scratch marks on her son’s back were from a demon and her daughter is seeing a dead woman in their living room. Stefanie is a lover who takes care of everyone. Beth was told she should let her mother go into the light. Her tears about her mother made Jen realize she was in fact a normal human being and not a robot Barbie and if they were both honest they could have a nice relationship at some point. But only if cousin Billy never showed up again.
Stefanie overcame her fear of singing by stepping inside her cheetah covered at-home studio and recording a love ballad for her husband. Meghan’s daughter remained un-potty trained. Beth’s son Lorenzo came around to the idea of his parent’s splitting.
Meghan discusses wanting another child. Leah tries to understand her daughter. Jen weighs having another child and Stefanie’s husband books her a gig without her knowing.
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