Real Housewives of New York

Blind Date: Real Housewives of NY Recap

By  | 

This week on Real Housewives of New York Bethenny was forced to decide whether Ramona should be invited on her trip to Mexico, and Tinsley was set up on a blind date set up by Carole.

ASSISTANCE

Bethenny’s team of assistants read through the itinerary of her upcoming Mexico excursion, a trip built around the promotion of her margarita business. She had hoped that if Ramona did attend it would be perhaps on the last day, well after they had gone back to the airport. According to Luann, Ramona had already envisioned herself on the trip. “She mentioned she needed to lose weight,” said Luann. She also needed a muzzle. Bethenny could not risk having her business partners watch Ramona trash talk her liquor business in favor of the Ramona pinot grigio, which according to Bethenny in a previous episode only sold 500 cases of wine last year.

LANDLORD

Carol projected her anger over the Presidential election onto a slumlord that had refused to give Adam back his apartment deposit. It was what she did best, that Carol. She was most happy playing Norma Rae, fighting for the rights of union workers and those that prepared raw food.

LASER HAIR REMOVAL

Sonja got laser hair removal on her genitals. The procedure was offered to her for free with a small clause requiring her to do so on national television and with one of the owners watching the entire process up close. As she now understood it all of the women on the Upper East Side were getting their lady pockets waxed. “Tom never told me that was the trend,” Sonja noted of Luann’s new husband. Tom was not only a financial service executive, but also beauty editor.

DISASTER DINNER

Dorinda held a dinner attended by all of the women. After Tinsley entered with her 75th Peter Pan blouse and Mary James Dorinda offered her with an opportunity. If she were to cut a few inches off her hair she would reward her with a bikini and several Ban de Soleil products. She refused. “Older women should not have long hair,” explained Dorinda while whipping her television anchor hair back and forth. “There comes a time in every woman’s life when you accept that your hair must be cut. She specifically noted the horror when a woman with long hair extensions turns around in a public place and you realize they need a facelift. “It’s weird,” she added as Ramona walked through the door.

Before appetizers they discussed how easy it is to meet a single man at a steakhouse or even better a steakhouse that also operates as a strip club. You get the strip steak and the strip joint. Bethenny was able to rattle off several establishments where you can get a marinated steak and a woman gyrating against a pool. Luann high fived her with her eyeballs.

ELOISE

Tinsley broke up the tension by announcing she had made the savvy financial decision to move out of Sonja’s townhouse and into a hotel for an extended stay. It was her way of realizing her Eloise dreams. She dressed like Eloise, and now she could live like her too! It was news to Sonja who had nurtured her ever since her mugshot. If she needed an opportunity for New York City society to take her seriously why wouldn’t she want people to know she had been living in Sonja’s dated third floor decorated with One Direction posters?

DON’T LOOK AT US

Ramona was left out of all the conversations in the first portion of dinner. Bethenny’s Mexico trip was looming and Ramona was still yet to be invited. “Just rip off the band aid,” said Luann. “Just tell her if she’s coming or not, it’s the only reason I came here to night.” Bethenny asked the others to turn their heads away from her so that she could have a private conversation with Ramona. “Don’t stare at us!” Bethenny yelled at Tinsley. “Jesus, grow up,” she barked. She didn’t take into account they were only a few inches from each other. How are you supposed to ignore two women having a catfight when you are within a salt and peppershaker distance?

DE-INVITATION

It was not an easy conversation. The moment Bethenny tried to explain her concern that Ramona might ruin her business trip the latter launched into a monologue about the destruction of her own marriage. She was, she explained through non-tears, still suffering. “It is not always all about you,” screamed Ramona. Though she had noted hours earlier that having an ex-husband stalk you was horrible she in no way thought it could compare to your husband having an affair with a younger woman he met at the gym. “I pay my husband half my fortune,” she added, “and you were only married for two years.” Bethenny withheld a response comparing her cover of Fortune Magazine empire to a trust created from religious trinkets and face lotion sold on HSN.

I take it back,” said Bethenny, “I can no longer have you come on this trip.” It didn’t matter for Ramona; she would still resume her fast and pack up a suitcase full of cheetah print bathing suits. “It’s a group trip,” she replied. “You can dish it out, but you can’t take it.” Ramona looked pensively at the wall. She subconsciously moved into her next phase of crazy, the tearful portion. During her home renovation process she had only kept three picture frames. One was a picture with her daughter Avery, the second was with Donald Trump, and the third was of her standing in front of a Homegoods store with Carole and Bethenny. “Your water works mean nothing to me,” said Bethenny.

Moments later Ramona complained to Sonja that she and Bethenny were just two different people. “We are like oil and vinegar,” she sighed. “Um, oil and vinegar go together,” replied Bethenny. You know, like salad dressing. They mutually agreed to withhold hateful statements about each other.

BLIND DATE

Scott was a kind man with little social life. He had spent the majority of his adult life behind a computer screen developing a promo codes. His friend Carole thought he would like to meet Tinsley, her only single friend under age 50. “He is not like other guys you have dated,” she explained to Tinsley over the phone that week. “He works for his own money. He doesn’t wear monogram loafers. He doesn’t pay someone to wax his chest or his eyebrows.” She agreed to a blind date.

Over drinks Tinsley twirled her hair, mentioned how she relied on alcohol to let her personality shine through, and showed her blind date the gold wedding ring from her first marriage, which she still wears on her pinky finger. “They got married when they were 17 and had to get it annulled,” Carole whispered, as if that was normal. Carole pulled Tinsley aside later and warned her that she would end up alone in a barren apartment still dressed up like Eloise if she didn’t get her shit together. Tinsley thanked her for looking out for his best interest, walked back to their seats and mounted Scott. She kissed Scott as if they had just gotten back to their hotel room after a senior prom. It was the least she could do since he also drank Tito’s vodka and preferred lounging by a pool on a vacation. Adam and Carole cheered in the background.

NEXT WEEK:

The Mexico trip.

Real Housewives of New York, Recap, Blind Date, Tinsley, Scott

Join the newsletter

Subscribe to get our latest content by email.

Powered by ConvertKit
mm

Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *