Real Housewives of New York

Bidding: Real Housewives of New York Recap

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This week on Real Housewives of New York Tinsley, Sonja, and Ramona went on a manhunt, Bethenny met Luann’s fiancée, Dorinda got frustrated at her charity event because no one was bidding, and Carole learned Luann might be having doubts. 

IN SYNC

Ramona believed she and her college-aged daughter were in sync. She would often regale strangers with stories about how they borrowed each other’s clothes and how they loved to go dancing at the same nightclubs. Then she would walk away from those strangers and Avery would lean forward and whisper, “I actually don’t know that woman.” On this particular day Avery avoided eye contact with Ramona as she yelled at her daughter to remove her heavy fur coast inside a department store. “I don’t want to take off my coat, can you leave me alone?” 

As they walked past the sunglass racks Ramona asked Avery for advice on Bethenny. “I just don’t get what this argument is about?” asked Avery. Ramona declined to give her important details, like the fact she tried to humiliate Bethenny on national television by asking her if her 6-year-old daughter would face bullying in high school because she showed her tits in a straight to video movie two decades ago. Avery tried without success to explain to Ramona how her comments can often appear condescending, self serving, and harsh. “You use those side attacks,” she noted before they moved onto the makeup counters.

BSTRONG

Bethenny continued to grow her real estate empire, shared an emotional moment with her boyfriend Dennis and Carole at a Dress for Success event, and helped Dorinda choose apartment furniture while wearing cutout dresses.

BIDDING FOR SUITORS

Tinsley went on a manhunt, but made the unfortunate choice to take along the Banger Sisters. As Tinsley moved toward a 23-year old financial service employee at the end of the bar at Beautique they warned her not to make any false moves. “Do as I said,” said Ramona, referencing her laundry list of tricks to get a man to pay attention to you. Included in this list were stick out your breasts, pull at your hair extensions, fondle your cocktail, make it to first base with your straw, and always sit at the bar at a steak restaurant. “He’s not on the list,” expressed Sonja referencing a dating profile she had drafted for Tinsley wile standing beside her kitchen counter.  Tinsley ignored her as she looked into the young man’s eyes. Ramona grew frustrated that the only man without erectile dysfunction issues was more interested in Tinsley. She took one last sip from her drink, a cocktail she forced the bartender to remake several times because it did not have enough ice chips, wasn’t in the right size tumbler, and lacked the right count of limes, and left.

The next morning Sonja could hardly believe Tinsley was not only freshly coiffed, but was still sifting through the drawers to find coffee sweetener. “You’ve been here three weeks now and you don’t bring your own stolen sugar packets from Starbucks? What is wrong with you?” 

Tinsley didn’t like the way Sonja treated her one way in her townhouse, but another way when with women her own age. “Why does she treat me like a little sister?” Tinsley wondered, despite the fact Sonja was actually old enough to be her older sister.

Later that week Tinsley met up with Chad from Boutique to go bowling. She felt at home in the dank alley with used shoes filled with someone else’s sweat. She kissed Chad softly in between bites of chicken wings and beer. She let it go the waiter wanted to see Chad’s ID. “You need to see mine too?” asked Tinsley. “No, we’re good, we know you are old,” the waiter responded.

BIDDING FOR ANSWERS

Carole and Adam went rock climbing, her least favorite activity. Adam liked to do physical exercise while Carole enjoyed being able to wear slim-fitting clothes without having to diet or burn calories in any capacity.

Ramona had a new friend named Missy. She had only been interested in her friendship because she happened to be one of the 76 women Tom had dated last winter. She thought they were in a serious relationship until she walked into  bar and saw him making out with Luann. Ramona was still confused why Tom would want to date so many women from overlapping social circles. “I appreciate Luann’s conviction,” said Ramona’s friend Kathleen while devouring a large platter of oysters. “She is delusional, but committed,” she added.

Luann could still care less. She pressed forward with her wedding plans asking her adult daughter Victoria to be a flower girl. “What do I do, throw flowers?” asked Victoria with the voice of a man in his 60s.

BIDDING FOR ITEMS

At Dorinda’s charity auction at Bagatelle Bethenny ignored Tinsley and tried desperately to avoid Ramona and Luann’s fiancé Tom. “Ramona has her plastic face,” said Bethenny, “so I know she’s trying to avoid conversation.” In fact the only conversation she made was to alert Sonja there were no hot guys at the party and to flirt wildly with a man named Milos whom Sonja may or may not have once dated. “She’s like a piranha,” said Sonja while Tinsley high-fived her with her eyeballs.

Bethenny graciously apologized to Tom for alerting Luann that he had been seen making out with another woman at the bar at the St. Regis. He shrugged his shoulders and asked her about her plans for New Years. They laughed when she suggested she would be attending their wedding.

No one was bidding on the auction items, which was a surprise since it was the holidays and everyone projects himself or herself to be super wealthy and charitable. “Let’s make these guys think we are single and convince them to bid on the auction items,” Bethenny told Carole. It was her greatest idea since the Skinnygirl Pina Colada mix.

Carole and Luann’s friend Barbara moved to the end of the bidding tables. Carole asked of her vacation plans. She explained she was going to see her mother and attend Luann’s wedding. She explained she wasn’t that excited. She knew that Luann was having second thoughts, but would rather go through with the wedding and get divorced then not have the ceremony at all. She had still heard rumors about Tom at the St. Regis. Tom, it seemed, still loved a spot at the bar at the St. Regis making out with ladies who had not just purchased a white wedding gown and arranged for a band and a block of hotel rooms.

NEXT WEEK:

A Luann intervention in the Berkshires.

Real Housewives of New York Recap, Bidding, Tinsley, Bethenny, Luann, Tom, Ramona

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Kate is a humor writer covering pop culture including celebrity gossip analysis and show recaps, pregnancy, and parenting.

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