Ben and Lauren
Ben and Lauren Recap: Renaissance Faire
This week on Ben and Lauren: Happily Ever After? the couple shared lunch with JoJo and Jordan, received an offer from Chris Harrison they couldn’t resist, and spent a romantic day at a renaissance faire.
Lauren and JoJo had finally come face to face; a year after Ben left the latter wading in a pool of her own tears in a vacation destination. Lauren was surprisingly pleased to see her arch nemesis; even despite knowing he had probably slept with her a few nights before he proposed. The discomfort lied more with the gentleman. Ben couldn’t help but notice the woman he once loved chose a future with a man with a thicker head of hair and better clothing. Jordan couldn’t understand how the woman he was about to move in with could have pictured a future with a guy devoid of personality and veneers.
They sat in silence. What could they talk about beyond the experience of being a contestant on a reality show?
JoJo: “So, what’s new with you guys?”
Ben: “Well, we just got air conditioning, so that is huge.”
JoJo: “Lauren have you ever farted in front of him?”
Ben: “She just did. That’s why these appetizers smell like raccoon carcass.”
Lauren: “Bennnnnnn… I am not that modest, I know that seems weird because I barely move my mouth and I live in perpetual fear that he might call off this wedding.”
Jordan wasn’t listening to their conversation because he noticed a waitress at another table had unbuttoned the top button of her work blouse.
Outside the restaurant TMZ was on hand to ask the couples about their meal.
TMZ: “JoJo how was lunch?”
JoJo: “It was good. I had the meat platter.”
TMZ: “Ben, how was lunch?”
Ben: “It was decent. They have a good chicken club.”
TMZ: “Any relationship advice?”
Ben: “Love each other well, always listen, and never let him see you without makeup.”
Back in Colorado Ben and Lauren found an envelope on top of a preschool desk on their front porch. “Looks like our old pal Chris Harrison is up to his old tricks,” noted Ben. “Whatever could he want to see us about?” asked Lauren as she flipped through bridal magazines. Harrison it turns out was offering them the opportunity to have their wedding televised. “You can have practically an open checkbook, but you’ve got get this done in three months,” he explained. Ben lost all blood flow in his face and arms. Shit or get off the pot, Mr. Higgins, its go time.
Since he had some trepidation about an all expense paid wedding weekend Ben sought the advice of professional football players. “I don’t know guys, has it ever bothered you that these girls take up all the shelf space in your one bedroom and bath house?” They explained to him that since they were millionaires they owned homes with plenty of restrooms. “It just feels like before this I had plenty of space to store my razor, shaving cream, and face moisturizer, don’t you agree?” Ben added. Then they explained to him that again having a large home allows them the opportunity to stock toiletries and steroids in a spare bathroom thereby elevating any storage issues.
Lauren sought the help of her sister Mollie. “Should I take it personally that we are engaged to be married, but Ben almost had a nervous breakdown when we were offered a free wedding before the end off the year?” Mollie reached out her hand and looked deep into her sister’s eyes. “Are you guys having problems? If you are please know that I cannot offer you much help. This is your problem.”
The truth was Ben was overwhelmed. It was why he had trouble choosing which twin to eliminate in a rose ceremony or whether to get rid of his garage door themed bedroom. How could he be a boyfriend, office worker, neighborhood watchman, and still have enough time to look at table linens and reception locations?
To distract Ben from his anxiety Lauren convinced Ben who is tone deaf that he was asked to sing the National Anthem at a Colorado Rockies baseball game. After a week of sleepless nights, missed calls from his therapist and pastor, and at least 4 meals barfed up Lauren let him in on the good news. “Turns out you won’t be singing after all! They got a children’s choir from a nearby elementary school instead!” She couldn’t help herself because pranking was something she enjoyed with her own family. “We used to hide chocolate bunnies around our house,” she explained. “You mean around Easter time?” Ben asked. “No, just all the time,” she replied.
“You want to go through with this wedding so quickly, but are you sure you know everything about me?” Ben asked. Lauren noted after spending a combined 14 hours with him on the set of The Bachelor and the last few months trapped in an 800 square foot house it made her pretty confident. To her surprise he drove her to a renaissance faire. “This is my safe place,” he explained while wearing a Peter Pan costume. Striving always to make him happy she put on a Victorian dress and pretended to chew off a turkey leg. In hindsight the medieval ring tone made sense.
After careful consideration (and a reminder from producers that he won’t have to pay for any part of his wedding) Ben let Lauren know he was down with a televised wedding. “Golly darn, I will make you my wife,” he whispered. She held his hands and placed them on her face. “We will be so happy,” she replied.
Chad and Lace stop by to work out their emotional issues.
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