90-Day Fiance

90 Day Fiancé Before 90 Days: Roast Pig

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This week on 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days Paul begged Karine for forgiveness, Sean mulled a proposal, Cortney met Antonio’s best friend, and Larry refused to eat roast pig.

PAUL AND KARINE

FORGIVENESS

After a thug mugged Karine with a machete she walked back to the hotel to collect her things. Though Paul had light eyes, a gentle touch, and US citizenship he lacked the ability to communicate effectively. How could she move forward with a man who runs into a jungle when times get tough? What would happen if they experienced struggle in their marriage? Would he dive into a pit of acid?

While Karine rested at a friend’s place Paul finally emerged from the jungle after a police officer shot and possibly killed the assailant. “I am just glad no one was hurt or murdered,” Paul told producers. Yes, Paul, we are glad Karine didn’t get decapitated because you do full sprints during a moment of anguish. That night he barely slept because he worried she would not forgive him. She called her parents back in the Amazon village to notify them the man who asked for her hand in marriage with suggestive sign language was actually a convicted felon in the United States. They urged her to pack up her 35 stuffed animals and return to them.

The next day Paul begged for her forgiveness. He had cleaned his fingernails, but had not trimmed his thick matted hair. She asked him to communicate like an adult. “Explain yourself!” she yelled. “A past relationship put me into an emotional spiral,” he calmly said. “I was accused of burning down my own house for insurance money. I was jailed and then released on probation. Oh, also my ex-girlfriend and I had joint restraining orders against one another,” he added.

Karine stared at the cement slab beneath her.

LARRY AND JENNY

ROAST PIG

Since Larry’s cousins had concerns about Jenny still being active on Filipino Cupid she showed him her account’s inbox. There were plenty of messages from men from first world countries, but they had not been opened. “Let me see your SENT box,” Larry wisely asked. Fortunately her last message was to Larry, which made him encouraged to move forward in their relationship.

She brought him home to her village to meet her father and her sister. Her mother, a domestic helper in another country she had not seen in three years. “Life is better in America,” explained Jenny as she gave him a tour of the one room hut she shared with her family.  Jenny’s father Virgilio asked Larry via a translator what he liked most about his daughter as they sat on lawn chairs outside. He, of course, liked that she was Catholic and attractive. He loved that she wanted to cook and clean for him, especially after a long shift at McDonald’s. He was proud of the fact she told him that she loved him after three weeks despite meeting online and never having met in person. What he told Virgilio, however was that she had a nice heart and was beautiful. (He forgot the part about her enjoying laundry and scrubbing pots). “I like your nature and your goats,” he said while shaking and then asked for her hand in marriage while making a gesture with his pointer finger. Virgilio told them he needed to see if they were compatible.

Things went south five minutes later when a roasted pig was presented to the American stranger. Larry, who serves unknown meat patties, sugar coated French fries, and McRibs refused to eat the pig her family scraped together to buy and roast. “I might get diarrhea,” said the man who manages a fast food restaurant with buttermilk fried chicken sandwiches and McFlurries. Her entire family asked her to kindly ask her almost fiancé to eat the goddamn food.

Jenny doubted their future as Larry sat confused. Did I mention he was wearing wide legged stonewashed jeans?

PATRICK AND MYRIAM

WHERE IS YOUR BOYFRIEND?

Myriam was willing to be Patrick’s tour guide, spending hours every day showing him the beauty of the city of love. Her boyfriend was not keen to hear she was spending so much time with an American she met online. As time passed and she shared with Patrick that her 23 year old boyfriend rarely texted her she began to rethink her relationship. “I am impressed with you,” said Myriam as she began to weep on a museum’s steps. She had never met a man who could do a round off back handspring into a back tuck or one that didn’t try to have sex with her immediately.

CORTNEY AND ANTONIO

SEPARATE BED

Antonio complained about his back pain as they completed a small walk up a hill. “It would be better if we could sleep in the same bed,” he told her. It seemed absurd to him that she had already slept in his apartment for a few days and they had not boned. “I thought foreign men would be more family oriented,” Cortney told a producer. She had obviously never seen any movie starring Antonio Banderas.

Antonio was willing for Cortney to meet Samuel who was his best friend and also an aspiring international television personality. “I can’t believe you have not had sex yet,” he told Cortney. Normally his friend had sexual intercourse within 24 hours of meeting a woman. “I think he has not had sex with you yet because he really cares for you,” said Samuel. “Uh, yeah, riiiiiight,” Antonio replied. When Cortney knelt down to pick up her napkin he mouthed the words “thank you” to Samuel. Later that night Cortney wondered if she had been too hard on Antonio. Maybe he had a perpetual boner because of his culture and not because he was hopped up on Viagra?

ABBY AND SEAN

PROPOSAL?

Sean called his friend Johnny back in the States and asked him for advice given the most recent developments. “Should I propose?” Sean asked. “Go with your gut, man.” his bearded friend replied. “Man. Be careful.”

NEXT WEEK:

Antonio disappears after Cortney has sex with him.

 

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

1 Comment

  1. Warwick Hoyle

    October 9, 2017 at 1:05 am

    Larry’s a f@&$@&@ idiot! He’s in another country least thing he can do is to try the roast pig that was made for him as guest. After all it’s just a pork! And Not an exotic animal!
    Sounds ignorant! Should educate himself before going to another country!

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