Show Recaps

Best Moments From The Bachelorette: The Woods

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In the second installment of this week’s The Bachelorette the contestants entertained JoJo at the mansion’s pool before letting three men go and setting off for an adventure in the isolated woods near Pittsburgh.

Here are the 10 best moments from this week’s The Bachelorette.

Part Two

THE WOODS

  1. During a synchronized swimming performance Evan’s nose mysteriously began to bleed. Was he doing lines in the bathroom or did he have high blood pressure? “Wasn’t me,” said Chad who had been warned to temper his roid rants until after the rose ceremony, “I was 100 yards away.”
  2. JoJo made the best of this last opportunity to spend time with contestants before the night’s elimination round by drinking shots and having meaningless conversations while sun tanning.
  3. The contestants were informed they no longer had to live like prisoners in California, they would be leaving for an exciting trip in the isolated woods outside of Pittsburgh where fun activities include screaming for help.
  4. Luke was awarded for his patience thus far with a snow-less dog sled ride and a dip in a scolding hot water barrel. As JoJo shoved strawberries in his mouth he tried to convey to her that love and not finding a job was his priority. They toweled themselves off because she had a surprise. Despite sitting in a hot tub a few yards away and having a degree from West Point in defense and strategic studies he was unaware there was an auditorium filled with women and an unknown band waiting to serenade him.
  5. At Heinz Field Bachelor super fans (and Steelers) Hines Ward, Brett Keisel and Ben Roethlisberger had the group date contestants run through a series of drills, which ended with singer-songwriter James Taylor with a bloody bandage wrapped around his enormous head, an injury that could have been prevented had Roethlisberger not been eating Cheetos in the stands. Failed football player Jordan proved he could still do cardio.
  6. Alex and Chad were given the dreaded two-on-one date, an un-romantic hike through the woods. Despite threatening to beat the shit out of Jordan once the show ended, Chad was given an axe. “It’s my last chance to figure out who Chad really is,” JoJo said despite mounting evidence he would probably spend at least some portion of his life in a maximum-security facility. She also needed to figure out whether she and Alex could “take things to the next level,” which was code for can I make it work with someone who is my same height.
  7. Alex informed JoJo of the threat Chad had made against Jordan, which for her was enough to let him go. Everyone said he was crazy and might strangle me, but if he hurts Jordan he’s got to go.
  8. “I’m not mad. I’m just disappointed,” Chad said to Alex, adding, “It’s just unfortunate that I can’t hurt you right now without getting in trouble.” She asked then to sit together on a blanket beside a waterfall and asked Alex to accept a rose.
  9. Since there was no available transportation vehicle Chad began to walk back towards the contestant quarters. He used his muscles and jagged teeth to remove debris in his wake. Production took back the axe out of fear he might try to use it to chop of someone’s limbs.
  10. Upon arrival he rubbed his greasy deli meat fingers down the front door window. Someone tried to locate the panic button.

The Bachelorette, JoJo, Recap, Woods, Chad

 

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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