Show Recaps

10 Best Moments From The Bachelorette: Fire Chad

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This week on The Bachelorette JoJo watched the men put out a fire, Chad consumed protein shakes and meat, and Derek had an un-romantic one on one date.

Here are the 10 best moments from The Bachelorette this week. 

FIRE CHAD

  1. The remaining contestants gathered in the kitchen and toasted each other with champagne and fresh orange juice. “A beautiful girl, a beautiful life. F—you guys, I’ll make her my wife.” Then they took turns making each other crepes while Chad made himself a protein shake with one of the military sized canisters he packed beside his exercise bands in his suitcase.
  2. JoJo encouraged the men chosen for a group date to prove their physical prowess by simulating a forcible entry in a house explosion. Wells, the radio DJ and model for Carter’s children’s clothing nearly lost all of his oxygen supply, but was given a rose for his bravery. Grant the actual firefighter impressed her with his ability to perform his day job. “I will never leave you at the end of the without telling you I love you,” he told JoJo before kissing her. “Because there is always the chance I might never come back.” This was surprisingly not what he told his real-life girlfriend the day before he left to tape the show for eight weeks.
  3. Luke was a war veteran with a spray tan and a forthcoming line of bedazzled dog tags to be sold at Limited Express. He grabbed her face and pulled it in for a kiss because he had read in Maxim Magazine that was what women who barely know you like you to do.
  4. The other contestants spent that day relaxing by the pool and banging out a song about JoJo they could perform for her on another episode. No one was more jazzed about the opportunity to sing a boy band themed love ballad and dance routine than Jordan.
  5. John Krasinski’s brother Derek was given the first one on one date, a day filled with choices. The romance began with a thumb wrestle and ended up with him confessing his last girlfriend slept with another man because he did not satisfy her. “It’s fine,” Chad explained of JoJo choosing a guy with zero personality for her first full-day romantic adventure. “When I was a used car dealer last year I would routinely suggest to customers that they take a look at the piece of shit cars first before looking at the luxury models.”
  6. Chad and psychic healer and Canadian booze face Daniel bonded over their mutual love of steroids and wearing tank tops. They determined the other dudes were losers for falling so deeply in love with a girl they had just met two days ago, especially the ones who display emotions. “I always tell the girls afraid to date me that it’s the nice guys who are actually the assholes!” said Chad.
  7. During a group outing to the Sports Nation headquarters the men were tasked with spinning around and performing a proposal with a ring from Claire’s Boutique. Chad failed the mission by telling JoJo she was “naggy” for wanting him to provide more details on why he would want her to be his lady bride. “I don’t really know you,” Chad explained during a make believe press conference. “It would be weird to be in love with you right now, am I right? You seem fine, you’ve got great jugs and low body fat, but the jury is out on whether you are good enough for me.” JoJo who is admittedly into bad boys was charmed by his ability to deflate her ego and alienate everyone in the Bachelor mansion.
  8. Chad enjoys a starvation diet with bouts of deli meat binges.
  9. After explaining he owns a yorkie, his mother died six months ago, and he is financially able to provide her with a life of Louis Vuitton purses, JoJo granted Chad with a kiss and threw a penny in a well.
  10. Chase showered her with detergent flakes so she could understand what it is like to live in the North Pole, Grant owns a notebook, and the shortest man on the show stood up to Chad.

Next Week:

The new boy band group practices their hit song Just JoJo and everyone worries Chad might murder someone.

The Bachelorette, Recap, Chad, Fire, JoJo

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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