Show Recaps

What’s Wrong With The Bachelorette…..and Wayne Newton?

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This week Colton and Becca explored Las Vegas, nine bachelors visited Wayne Newton’s estate, and David and Jordan faced off in a one-on-one date in the middle of the desert.

WAYNE NEWTON

I have 13 questions after tonight’s The Bachelorette episode in Las Vegas.

  1. Why would you go to Las Vegas to find your potential soul mate, especially if it were on a reality television competition show? Do they have any idea what REALLY happens in Las Vegas? Also, are the men allowed to leave the hotel suite if they are not on a date? Are they allowed to mingle with prostitutes at the hotel pool or play craps with criminals?
  2. Is it really necessary to transport the same hot tub to every date spent in a field or the middle of the desert? Who wants to wear a bathing suit and soak in bacteria water while a camera man in capri pants watches you French kiss a practical stranger?
  3. Colton has noted he is a virgin. Are we positive this wasn’t his first kiss? He kissed Becca with only the tip of his tongue.
  4. Wayne Newton’s ranch looks a little bit like a dump. Can you imagine a real estate agent trying to sell that place? “It’s a sprawling property with decaying fences, dying grass spots, sculpture knockoffs, and an oversized home decorated like Liberace’s dressing room.”
  5. I am also worried about Wayne Newton’s relationship with his plastic surgeon. At what point is enough enough? Can someone get a face-lift for his or her face-lift? Is it safe to have mouth full of veneers? Has he been tested for basal cell carcinoma? Lastly, do we need to see him make out with his wife?
  6. Let’s take a guess how many of these contestants had actually ever heard of Wayne Newton. I am going to guess one, and only because his grandfather was a huge fan. Wayne asked them to put their own spin on Danke Schoen, the famous song from the best scene of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Some of these contestants were born after that movie was made.
  7. Chris can basically do nothing right. He establishes himself as a junior varsity lounge singer, and it is not enough. He makes himself vulnerable by admitting his patience for this completely ridiculous journey is waning, and it is not enough. What can he do to convince her that he is viable candidate for a home date?
  8. David’s face healed remarkably well from the unfortunate bunk bed accident, but at this point I am beginning to wonder if he is in love with Jordan. Why would someone spend their limited time with their television girlfriend complaining about a catalog model from Florida?
  9. Jordan was surprised he was cut from the show despite noting his mother has several different mental health issues, (sounds like a fun mother-in-law) and how he can change a look with the movement of just an eyebrow.
  10. They spent a lot of cash on useless fireworks.
  11. Why is the stuntman still on this show?
  12. Blake reminds me of Chris Penn in Footloose.
  13. Wills must have been outfitted for this show by a rejected contestant on Project Runway.

NEXT WEEK:

Why are they going to Virginia?

The Bachelorette, Wayne Newton, Becca, Blake, Chris, Jordan, Las Vegas

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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