The Bachelor Recap: Wisconsin
This week on The Bachelor Nick took the remaining contestants to Wisconsin to see all of the spots he’s made out with other women.
BEST MOMENTS FROM THIS WEEK’S THE BACHELOR
- The remaining contestants voiced their concern Nick was keeping Corinne as a contestant because she was sexually aggressive. She was also likely suffering from narcolepsy.
- Nick let a wedding videographer go so that he could reserve a spot in the sorority house for Corinne, a girl who lives with a nanny and rents bouncy houses despite not having children.
- Taylor, the mental health counselor, was most frazzled by Nick’s decision to keep Corinne despite taking at least three college courses on sexual psychology.
- Chris Harrison promised the contestants a trip around the world, starting with the exotic vacation destination of Wisconsin. “I hope you guys fall in love with this place like I have,” said Nick. They promised themselves they would never return.
- Nick’s mother Mary is a lovely woman who sings lead vocals in a Joan Jett cover band. She and her husband Chris both believe at this point Nick will never find love.
- Nick gave Danielle a tour of his hometown including the hardware store, the laundromat, and the bakery, which makes cookies shaped like his face. She didn’t have the heart to tell him she ate gluten free when he shoved a frosting covered sugar cookie down her throat.
- To the complete shock of Nick (but not Producers) he ran into his old girlfriend Amber who offered advice to Danielle. “He is heart driven and if he is not into it he will back out,” she explained. Then she waited until he went to the bathroom to explain that he was a sex addict who would probably never get married or make anyone happy.
- Someone sang a song to Danielle and Nick on the stage of the local theater. He may have performed on a singsong show. I have no idea.
- The women’s ovaries exploded as they watched Nick feed stray cows with an oversized bottle. They all feigned excitement at milking cows and shoveling cow shit. Corinne, however, dry heaved in a corner.
- Corinne compared herself to a cornhusk and then explained she has circulatory issues.
- Vanessa wrote a book about herself but told Nick “her students” wrote it before she quit her job to be on a reality show.
- Nick took Raven on a romantic date to an AYSO soccer match where she watched him do sprints with preteens and then to a roller skating rink without alcohol.
- Understandably Raven’s father had concerns her mother wanted to name her Raven.
- Nick’s sister Bella liked Raven because she was nice and knew all the songs on Selena Gomez’s last album.
- Raven wanted Nick to understand that she was more than just a roller skating partner. She was also someone who owned a boutique that sells low-cost blouses.
- Raven joined the show because she wanted to escape the memory of her ex-boyfriend thrusting himself into another woman.
- A rose ceremony was held in a barn at the end of a cul-de-sac. Taylor, fed up with being ignored because of her boring personality, clung to Nick on an outdoor sofa while Corinne and Josephine binged on appetizers.
- Taylor (23 years old) and Corinne (24 years old) argued who would be most qualified to be a wife to Nick (36 years old) citing their sociology studies (Taylor) and overlooking a “multi-million dollar business” (Corinne) as proof while Nick shoved his throat down someone else’s throat in another room.
Corinne and Taylor hate each other.
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