Show Recaps

The Bachelor Recap: New Orleans Voodoo

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This week on The Bachelor two women were sent home, the women traveled to New Orleans, Nick took Rachel to a LOLO concert, and Corinne and Taylor went on a nightmare two-on-one date. 

BEST MOMENTS FROM THE BACHELOR: NEW ORLEANS

  1. Corinne and Taylor continued to argue as if they were soldiers in the great Bachelor war. Taylor noted how Corinne was a failure on the emotional intelligence scale because of her inability to have a conversation with a man without mounting him like a pommel horse. Corinne noted Taylor was on the show for the wrong reasons since she has never had a real job, ignored all of the other contestants, and has the facial expressions of a villain in a Disney movie.
  2. As Nick and Corinne sat in wicker patio furniture Corinne slurred through a speech demonizing Taylor. “She’s a bully and condescending,” she said while swilling a near empty glass of champagne. “I don’t think she’s here for the right reasons,” she said while caressing his inner thigh. He didn’t have the heart to explain to her that he wasn’t there for the right reasons either.
  3. The contestant with the nose piercing was most excited about a trip to New Orleans since she lives there. The Marriott gave them some free rooms where they indulged in the mini bars and by jumping on the dirty beds like they were in middle school.
  4. Nick took Rachel on a romantic solo date to a farmer’s market where he promised to buy her something special like an alligator carcass. After binging on oysters and hot sauce shots they kissed in the middle of the street. “Our sexual chemistry is explosive,” explained Nick, despite several opportunities to dry hump Corinne over the weeks thus far in filming. The date culminated with an off off Broadway performance of Dancing in The Rain in the middle of the street and a concert in the basement of a hotel by a band I have never heard of. Later that night, after they had showers and Nick put on one of the Melendez brother’s sweaters, they enjoyed dinner in the middle of a street. Rachel kept the conversation light and free by mentioning the last time she had been to New Orleans was for a funeral and alerting Nick that her dad is a federal judge.
  5. Raven was least excited to spend a romantic group date exploring a home haunted by ghosts. “I will revoke them in the name of Jesus,” she explained. “There is an 8 year old girl named May who wants her doll,” said the home’s butler/bartender. As the sun set Nick began to worry May might murder them. “Here’s a fun idea!” said one of the producers, “let’s get out a Ouija board.” After torturing the women by cutting off the electricity, hiding May’s creepy baby doll, dropping chandeliers, and breaking mirrors he gave the date rose to Danielle.
  6. One of Mario Batali’s cousins drove Nick, Corinne, and Taylor via row boat to an island where he could come to some conclusion about what nut bag best suited his emotional needs at this junction. “The bayou is an interesting place,” said Nick as three dancers from a Backstreet Boys cover band played bongos and engaged in a voodoo ceremony.
  7. While a tarot reader assessed Taylor’s connection to cups Corinne took the opportunity to alert Nick that she was a bully. “She thinks I am stupid,” Corinne explained as she bat a bee away from her hair extensions. “How did that make you feel?” asked Nick straining himself to withhold laughter. “I’m intelligent in my own way…is intelligency a word?” she wondered.
  8. While Taylor explained to Nick that Corinne was emotionally unstable her date mate stabbed a voodoo doll several feet behind her.
  9. After taking a piss on a tree Nick informed them both he would only move forward with the woman willing to take it past third base in a fantasy suite. He and Corinne drove off in the rowboat leaving Taylor left to swim home with the alligators.
  10. After getting doused with hot sauce and lighter fluid by the Backstreet voodoo dancers Taylor promised cameras she would get revenge.

NEXT WEEK:

Nick cries.

The Bachelor, New Orleans, Nick, Corinne, Taylor

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

1 Comment

  1. louis

    January 31, 2017 at 7:01 am

    i feel like this was a miss representation of the voodoo religion, in this batchelor episode!

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