Show Recaps

The Bachelor Recap: Frozen in Finland

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In Lapland, Finland, a frozen arctic tundra with a population of 40 people Nick offered the remaining three contestants an opportunity to bone him before elimination. 


  1. Raven took the overnight. She enjoyed her first fake lady gasm, a thrilling dramatization she continued into the next day with skipping and peeking from behind a colorful metal fence.
  2. Rachel took the overnight. She warmed him up by giving long-winded answers about how hard it is to vocalize emotions. Once she admitted she was falling for him he led her to a pre-rose ceremony full bed so they could get it on. The following morning she watched him make a high cholesterol breakfast and allowed him to see her in snow jammies.
  3. Vanessa took the overnight. They began their date dipping their bodies into an ice bath. He kissed her in a hot tub despite her breaking Bachelor rules by wearing a one-piece bathing suit. He worried her family would not respect boundaries. He did not, for example, want her strange brother having lunch with him every single Sunday. What if we would rather go to Burger King on Sunday? Will the family be able to cope? Another cause of concern was where they would live. It had not occurred to them until thus point that should they move forward in their relationship someone would have to leave their country.
  4. Before the rose ceremony Vanessa began to come undone. “This is the best relationship I have ever been in my entire life,” she explained of finding love on a television show with a man who just had sex with two other contestants in less than one week. “I still can’t believe I don’t know what country we would live in.” Television viewers wondered the same.
  5. “This will be a difficult day,” said Chris Harrison as Nick stood in the doorway of an ice prison. Nick stood before the women and began to weep. “This decision is very difficult, and I hope this gets me enough attention from the producers of Dancing With The Stars. Thank you for throwing your lives away because you thought we had a chance.” He offered a rose to Raven and Vanessa.
  6. “I don’t know what to say,” said Rachel, “I thought we had a good thing.” Nick hoped they could still hang out; maybe they could meet up for a Bachelor weekend in Vegas or at a photoshoot before the season premiere? He’d get her tickets to see him on one off the Food Network reality show competition episodes. He walked her outside in the cold without a coat to a waiting car. It didn’t matter because a few months later she would take the same opportunity to make out with over 20 suitors while television camera crews taped.

Then the women told all.

The Bachelor, Recap, Finland


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