Show Recaps

The Bachelor Recap: Backstreet Boys

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This week on The Bachelor Nick told the rest of the women he boned Liz and the Backstreet Boys performed. 

BACKSTREET BOYS ARE BACK, ALRIGHT

  1. Nick gathered the remaining women in the living room of the faux Tuscan rental to explain what had transpired with Liz. “As you may have already heard, I got down with the doula.” He said he owed it to them to be honest, which was a huge leap from what he had said thus far. I touched her lady pocket, he explained. She in turn touched my man junk. Several of the women were somewhat relieved. Okay, maybe I do have a chance with him. He seems like he is ready for love, even though he had a one-night stand earlier in the year with the bridesmaid at his friend’s wedding. He knows better now. Several referred to The Secret and his “intentions” to make sense of the development.
  2. Nick broke his low-sugar diet by binge eating spray can whipped cream off Corinne’s body. She had dressed up for the date like a lady of the night who works in forensics. He struggled with how to respect the other women by allowing Corinne to man handle him. “Tonight did not go as a I planned,” said Corinne. Her plan to unveil her jugs backfired, so she passed out in her bunk bed on the second floor. She still got a rose despite not showing up for the ceremony.
  3. Backstreet Boys, a group of old men who toured when the contestants were in preschool, showed up to inform them to not wear heels for a group date they would be hosting. “You guys Wikipedia us and then we will see you later at the Senior Center.” Jasmine, a professional jazzercizer and Christen, a wedding videographer were most pumped up for the date. At Burbank studios Nick greeted them in a tank top. After several dance throughs Corinne suffered from a Bachelor breakdown. “I am not cute today and I can’t dance!” she whined.
  4. That night they performed before an audience filled with women who barely knew Nick. Danielle the nail salon owner was most victorious in completing her dance sequence and was awarded a serenade. (The professional basketball dancer almost jumped out of a window). Corinne nearly vomited as Nick swallowed Danielle’s face.
  5. To remind Nick of her willingness to be physical Corinne wore a Disney princess dress with a split up the side and then fell asleep on a couch.
  6. Raquel, Corinne’s adult nanny, took weeks off her job cutting plates of cucumber and lemon slices to speak to her therapist about where her life went wrong.
  7. Danielle received a rose.
  8. Speaking of vomit, Vanessa vomited on a Zero gravity space shuttle excursion date for one. He watched as she ralphed into a paper bag. “I think my favorite part thus far is when I held Vanessa as she blew chunks in a lunch bag,” said Nick. They continued to kiss despite her vomit breath.
  9. Vanessa admitted her grandfather died three weeks before filming. She knew her deceased grandfather supported her decision to go on a dating show because she was given a red rose at the burial spot. See! It’s meant to be! Nick admitted he was pretty sure the show would be a disaster until their puke date. He sort of shed a tear.
  10. Since Nick ran on the track and field team in high school he challenged a bunch of women who struggled with cardio to compete in decathlon events.
  11. Rachel, Astrid, and Alexis make it to the final event, but a glitch in the Bachelor rules allowed Astrid the snail to grab a wrist-sized ring and win the championship. She was awarded by getting into a mobile hot tub on the side of a track at a suburban high school.
  12. Dominique complained and got cut from the team.
  13. Nick cancelled a rose ceremony to have a pool party, a day event the women used to prep with squats. Corinne rented a bounce house. “I appreciate how playful Corrine is and how she always wants to have sex with me,” explained Nick.
  14. Sensing Nick was distracted by Corinne’s antics the other women pulled him aside to explain that she was not marriage material. He didn’t have the heart to tell them it wasn’t that important to him. So what if she can’t clean a spoon? She can rent a bounce house and wear a bikini. Maybe her nanny can do my laundry? No big deal.
  15. Vanessa gave Nick shame attacks when she informed him she watched him mount Corinne.

NEXT WEEK:

Corinne might get kicked off the show.

The Bachelor, Recap, Backstreet Boys

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Kate is a humor writer covering pop culture including celebrity gossip analysis and show recaps, pregnancy, and parenting.

2 Comments

  1. Erica

    January 17, 2017 at 8:24 am

    Almost vomited myself when Nick kissed Vanessa right after she blew chunks.

  2. Pingback: Monday Tea – Link Love, Open Chat, And What’s On Reality TV Tonight! – TalkToChelynn | The Globe's #1 Media Network

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