Show Recaps

The Bachelor Recap: There’s Paris

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This week on The Bachelor the women stayed on a travel boat while in the city of Paris. 

THERE’S PARIS

  1. “Welcome to one of the most beautiful places in the world,” said Chris Harrison to Arie. “Thanks, dude,” was his sad response. He complained that the process of dating women above his pay grade was draining, there were feelings and boners and more feelings. He was uncertain of the choices he would make that week, but knew that at some point he would heavily make out with at least 80% of the lady contestants.
  2. Jacqueline, whom no one remembered, fretted that she was running out of time. Arie still thought her name was Lauren. He confused her with one of the producers often. “No, I am competing to be your wife,” she would have to explain.
  3. Arie and Lauren spent the day touring Paris’ most beautiful landmarks, but all that she could say was “wow.” He knew little about her, but enjoyed her flower rompers and the way she never asked probing questions about his past, career, relationship with his parents, political views, feelings about aging, or his opinion about economic issues in our world today.
  4. Arie’s ex-girlfriend miscarried his baby while he was off racing a car around a track. She broke it off before he could return home. He cites this as an example why he is seemingly unable to remain committed.
  5. Lauren’s parents have used her as a ping-pong ball in their horrible marriage. As a result, she has a hard time trusting people, especially after calling off a previous engagement to a crappy fiancé. This was just the information Arie needed to grant her a rose. See! She isn’t a robot! I can make this work!
  6. To no one’s surprise Tia was the worst dancer at the Moulin Rouge group date. I am f—ing awful,” she barked. The women embraced their bejeweled breast and butt revealing dance costumes, even Becca who looked like a rugby player with a headdress. Seinne looked forward to putting her previous years of dance training to use.
  7. Bekah, despite being on a missing persons list in California was able to travel to Paris and move one step closer to a presumably uncomfortable hometown date. She danced on stage at the Moulin Rouge while the other contestants watched with folded arms. They were jealous of the time she spent with Arie, while also mortified they were all dating a man willing to lip sync a French song while wearing a powder blue suit and matching cape.
  8. Kendall and Krystal enjoyed an unromantic date in someone else’s home and in the middle of a garden maze. Krystal apologized for coming off as a nut bag, and then proceeded to sabotage his relationship with Kendall. “Do you think she is in a position to get married?” whispered Krystal. Kendall struggled to give Arie confidence she would accept an engagement ring. Once the women were reunited for tea Kendall used some taxidermy/ social worker babble to try to shed light on what an awful person her competition was. Krystal smirked and only uttered that she had no words. Later, before dinner, Krystal acknowledged Kendall’s mental assessment, but disagreed. She was, after all “wife material” even though she was easily rattled and didn’t appear to have any friendships. Arie chose Kendall and the lady contestants rejoiced.
  9. Although Jacqueline would need six more years of school in another city to complete her degree, and Arie refused to leave his parents in Scottsdale, they inexplicably agreed to give their relationship a shot.
  10. Jenna and Chelsea were asked to leave.

NEXT WEEK:

Love under the Tuscan sun.

The Bachelor, Recap, Arie, Krystal, Paris

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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