Bachelor in Paradise

Halted: Best Moments From Bachelor in Paradise

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During the season premiere of Bachelor in Paradise sad news was relayed to the cast, which resulted in halted production. 



  1. Chris walked along the beach barefoot and apologized for what transpired in the first few days of filming. It had been hard for all the parties involved, including for the host. (Not really, said everyone else in production). He quickly pivoted his body to the opposite direction of the beach and explained that after a minor hiccup (a halt in production) almost the entire original cast was reassembled so they could find non-love in a dumpy resort somewhere in Mexico.
  2. In the opening sequence Robby wore stonewashed jean meatball huggers, which will haunt my dreams for years to come and uplift the Boston Gay Men’s Chorus. Jasmine tried to strangle a grip, Alexis showed up in the same dumb dolphin costume, Jack plead with the American pubic to understand he is not in fact a serial killer, and Alex the mini marine did a back flip off a sand dune. I had no idea who Lacey was.
  3. Raven arrived and explained to Chris she had high hopes of ending the show’s experience much like Jade and Tanner. Fun Fact: Jade and Tanner left this show, got married in a televised ceremony, and then signed up for marriage Bootcamp.
  4. Dean was hopeful he would find love, even though he dresses like a sorority sister.
  5. Ben talked mostly of his dog. Iggy and Dean ran into each other’s arms. No one was interested in DeMario. It was clear Derek and Alex would never co-host a Jacuzzi party. I couldn’t understand half of the things Kristina said.
  6. Corinne arrived with champagne in her hand slurring her words and looking seemingly cross-eyed. She promised Chris she wasn’t exactly looking for someone to settle down with (because she had a boyfriend) and that she wouldn’t jump on the first guy who showed her attention (which she did). “Right now I am my best self,” she explained.
  7. Dean and Katrina bonded over having horrible biological parents.
  8. Nick’s Santa beard and blonde hair was a lady boner killer for Jasmine, that is until she consumed 65 pina coladas.
  9. Amanda gave back the engagement ring she was given for free on last season’s finale. “I ignored red flags,” she admitted. “There was something off,” she noted, “and he is a sweaty person.”
  10. Taylor the “mental health professional” from Nick’s season arrived wearing almost no pants. She thought everyone was an idiot.
  11. 30 minutes into Paradise (4:30 pm) DeMario and Corinne jumped into the pool. We will get back to that later.
  12. Jorge gave up his bartender slot to Wells. He could sling margaritas, but was contractually prohibited from making out with anyone.
  13. As Iggy pointed out, relationships seemed to flourish within 24 hours. The one person he connected with was Lacey, who soon left to be with her family after news of her grandfather’s death was announced. He’s a shitty listener, because he told everyone it was her grandmother.
  14. Robby feathered his hair for his Paradise debut. His veneers were shiny and boat shoes worn in. He gave his date card to Raven and they spent their date jet skiing and discussing his role as an influencer. They kissed in the water as his statement necklace glistened in the sun. “Did you have fun?” the others asked Robby upon their return. “We went jet skiing, so it was right in my wheel house,” he responded. Raven noted she saw no future with someone with better hair and skin. She didn’t understand why he worked out so much.
  15. Matt was willing to dress up as a woman to maintain Jasmine’s attention on their drag party date.
  16. Before the rose ceremony Iggy complimented Alexis for being crazy, Taylor and Derek made out, and Raven and Ben kissed softly on the King size patio bed (a better kiss than Robby she added).
  17. Corinne and DeMario were pulled aside and production was halted.

Bachelor in Paradise, Halted, Best Moments, Dean, Corinne, DeMario

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