Celebrities

Alicia Silverstone Hates Tampons and Diapers

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You know me.

I love books written by celebrities. Why seek the advice of a trained professional when someone famous can do the same job? For example, Star Jones Reynolds’ bestselling book Shine totally changed my perspective on marriage. Alicia Silverstone has a new book on parenting. I loved her 2012 YouTube video, which features her chewing food for her son and then spitting it into his mouth like a bird. The Kind Mama: A Simple Guide to Supercharged Fertility, a Radiant Pregnancy, a Sweeter Birth, and a Healthier, More Beautiful Beginning chronicles her unconventional parenting style.

Here are some of the most important points.

Don’t Jam Up Your Vag

“Your uterus is your “baby house”—and it “needs maintenance, too. You wouldn’t want to bring your baby into a junk-filled house with a leaky roof and backed-up plumbing, right?” How does one maintain a uterus house? “Meat, dairy, and processed foods” should be avoided, she says, because they are “tracking toxic sludge through your baby house.”

So lay off the Doritos and you won’t clog up your lady cavity.

Feeing the Blues

“Though it’s less common among kind mamas, some women experience the blues after giving birth.” 

If Brooke Shields were a vegan she wouldn’t have gotten herself into this mess.

Let It Go

“Your chichi is the most absorbent part of your body. Unfortunately, feminine-care manufacturers aren’t required to tell you what’s in their products, which means that no one’s talking about the potential pesticide residues from non-organic cotton and the ‘fragrances’ containing hormone-upsetting, fertility-knocking phthalates that are snuggling up to your hoo-ha.”

Simple solution: Wear a wad of paper towels duct taped to your skin or just sit naked on a hard wood floor for 5 days.

Pop a Squat

Her child was potty-trained at six months. She believes kids should just “leave their business in the grass.” An added bonus? Kind mamas can avoid funneling money into the “multibillion-dollar” disposable diaper industry, which is “fueled by corporate-backed pseudoscience.”

Wonderful. Maybe I can piss off my neighbors with dogs by letting my child take a dump in their yard.

Milk-tacious

 “Aside from giving your baby every single health advantage there is at mealtime, breast milk is also the ultimate cure-all for almost every ailment that might come up in baby’s early days. It’s a natural antibiotic and has almost otherworldly power to both soothe and heal.” 

Bad news: Breast milk can not substitute for denture adhesive, wood glue, or gasoline for your car.

Can’t wait for her book on how to raise a teenager.

 

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mm

Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

0 Comments

  1. Debbie

    April 25, 2014 at 4:35 pm

    I swear she must live in the jungle or something. Is she a scientologist? I can’t remember. For someone seemingly so intelligent you’d think she’d use actually words like “vagina” and “depression.” Mama bird has flown the coop!

  2. Jenn K.

    April 25, 2014 at 7:47 pm

    I can’t blv something like this got published. Woah. Guess who’s kid will be doing heavy illegal drugs by age 10?

  3. Suzanne

    April 28, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    This chick must have gone to the Jenny McCarthy School of Non-Science. She appears to be just as stupid and just as dangerous as her mentor, Jenny.

  4. Andrea B (@goodgirlgonered)

    May 1, 2014 at 12:37 pm

    I cried reading this. With laughter. Because you’re too much. And she’s a nut.

    And sadness. Because she’s gone and lost it. Assuming she had it.

    Clueless, much? (See what I did there?) 😉

    • mm

      Kate

      May 1, 2014 at 10:01 pm

      Thank you!

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