Humor

Advice: How To Get Over A Boyfriend

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Now that I am getting old, have had several children, and have seen countless hours of Lifetime Television movies I believe I am qualified to offer relationship and life advice. Please find below a question regarding moving on from a romantic relationship.

Dear Kate,

I am having some trouble getting over my boyfriend. Can you give me some pointers on how to move on so I don’t cry myself to sleep every night?

Love, Dara

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HOW TO GET OVER A BOYFRIEND

Dear Dara,

Hey, girl. Let’s walk through this.

  1. If you are going to cry it shouldn’t be about a boyfriend. In fact when you start to get sad you should immediately picture depressing images like puppies in a cage, homeless people living under a bridge, natural disasters, or a group of 17 year old girls in a Polygamous community wearing prairie dresses and French braids. If you are going to waste your tears on something at least make it worthwhile.
  2. He’s an idiot for losing you. You are dynamite. You are an angel straight from heaven. He will end up with someone who makes him miserable. You know how they will be spending the next Valentine’s Day? Sitting in a Snuggie on his leather couch watching war movies because she’s too afraid to ask him to watch something else. She’s probably starving and waiting until she goes home to use the bathroom. You, however, will probably on a very hot date with someone named Luca that will culminate with a very hot makeout session. Who is winning now?
  3. Dial it back on the Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, and Instagram stalking. Here’s what you will be missing: nothing. Again, he’s nothing without you.
  4. Consider that staying with him meant spending holidays with his family, who if we are being completely honest are terrible people. You know what you are having for Thanksgiving this year? FREEDOM.
  5. Erase his number from your phone. I don’t trust you after a couple appletinis. You will be calling him at 1:30 am from the Domino’s Pizza carryout window with mascara running down your face. You want him to think you are dancing with a glass of champagne on a yacht, not shoving a Wisconsin 6 large pizza down and chasing it with a Mountain Dew.
  6. Get busy. You know what makes a woman seem attractive? Having a lot going on. You know who wants to date the girl with plenty of time to hang out? NO one.

If none of that works let’s go to karaoke.

Love, Kate

Boyfriend, Breakup, Relationships, Love

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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