90-Day Fiance

Welcome to Real Life: 90 Day Fiancé Recap

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This week on 90 Day Fiancé Elizabeth’s father and brother did not welcome Andrei and Luis questioned staying in America.

WELCOME TO REAL LIFE

AZAN AND NICOLE

Azan took Nicole to the gym with the hope she would suddenly share his joy for physical exercise and healthy eating. “Think of how you will look,” Azan told her while she struggled to lift a weight. He then confessed he is only 55% physically interested in her. “But you are attracted to me?” she asked. “Uh, yeah,” he responded.

Azan met his friend at a café with a terrible Yelp review to discuss the ongoing frustrations he had with their relationship. He was tired of changing May’s diaper in the middle of the night or how she cried in her dreams. It had been weeks since he saw a soccer match. He worried in America people wouldn’t accept his culture. Although he was certain her relatives and friends thought he was using her to get into the United States, he actually would have preferred to stay in Morocco where there was crappy Wi-Fi and limited men’s apparel options.

Nicole stayed back at the dilapidated hotel watching movies in another language and taking care of her daughter who was two months into the trip still operating on Eastern Time zone.

ELIZABETH AND ANDREI

Andrei arrived in Florida without any carry-on luggage, which was surprisingly not a concern to United States Custom officers. He worried she would be in charge of driving them to their new apartment, a place Elizabeth had secured in his absence. “Women can not drive,” he said in a flat voice, which she shrugged off as she did with all the other misogynist comments he made. She worried he would be meeting her father and siblings soon and that they might not respect the horrendous choice she had made for a life partner. They boned immediately after arriving at their sparsely decorated new apartment. He was displeased with the shower curtain she chose.

After a geography lesson Elizabeth’s father asked Andrei how he planned on financially supporting the daughter who had worked as his Receptionist/Director of Human Resources/Head of Sales. Andrei assured him that despite the fact he would not be working for 90 days that they would someone subside on Elizabeth’s paltry part-time salary.  “Legally, he can’t do anything,” said Elizabeth, which was code for he will be bouncing at a bar that does not follow immigration laws. “We will have rent and sometimes eat food,” he said.

Elizabeth explained that since Andrei was head of the household they might at some point live in Europe’s second poorest country. “It’s a beautiful country with a wonderful quality of life,” said Elizabeth. Her father and brother went outside, kicked a light post, and then got back into their trucks.

MOLLY AND LUIS

Molly was disappointed that Luis despite his youth and primary interest in getting a green card did not warm up immediately to fatherhood.

A nail technician and non-board certified therapist explained to Molly that her daughter was struggling emotionally because she felt like she was being replaced. Molly assured the nail lady since she had been removing the calluses from her feet for 12 years that she was making the right decision.

Molly wore a black bra, black underwear, and wedge sandals to try on wedding gowns. She was unable to decide on a veil because her father thought her matrimonial choice was a joke. “Your mom can give you away,” suggested the aggressive saleslady. “Sure, whatever you want to do,” said her enthused mother.

At the batting cage Luis confessed to Molly’s brother that he was thinking about moving back to the Dominican Republic because he was bored and her kids hated him. He was hopeful she would move back with him.

DAVID AND ANNIE

Little did Annie’s mother know that she was sending her daughter to a foreign country with a man she had just married in a Thai ceremony without a home or a sufficient bank account. Her father placed what looked like a hobo bag with a strap covered in bullets to protect him. “I am even supposed to put it under my pillow,” said David.

Upon David and Annie’s arrival at Los Angeles International Airport David’s friend Chris greeted them. He assured Annie that if she were to get lonely she could go to a local Thai restaurant and feel like she never left her parents and the village she was raised. Chris’ friends were horrified to learn David had not only kept from his children he was about to marry a woman from Thailand, but that he has sex with her every night. “You didn’t tell your children?” asked Chris’ wife Nikki. Annie had no idea that the five-bedroom home where they would temporarily be staying in California would pale in comparison to the hut they would eventually call home in the state of Kentucky.

EVELYN AND DAVID

Evelyn and David looked at a new apartment in Claremont, New Hampshire, which was the absolute last place David wanted to live. He hated the way it was old and smelled like a dead body was under the floorboards. Evelyn enjoyed the way it was close enough to her family for them to do her laundry and for the religious band to practice. It was over budget and a money pit, but Evelyn wanted to live there, and it was becoming clear that David had no testicules.

Evelyn’s music producer Mike worked out of his home studio on the first floor of his colonial house in suburban New Hampshire. She was confident that she could launch an Enya-like career working with Mike never having to leave the state. David, who enjoyed international travel and the idea of living in a city with a public transportation system assured her that her career would blossom if she LEFT the state. How could you possibly land a recording deal as a moaning artist from the middle of nowhere? Mike was unwilling to let go of his one client.

JOSH AND AIKA

Aika was grateful she was rejected from working at a local Arizona modeling agency. She was not grateful Josh gave her a used engagement ring. “It has been in my family for 50 years,” he explained of the handy-me down bauble, “I just gave it to someone before her.” For obvious reasons Josh’s former fiancé gave the ring back. She pressured him to give her a two-carat ring, but his audio installation salary could not cover the cost. The jeweler was not surprised the lady with stonewashed jean shorts and wedge flip-flops could not convince her cross-eyed boyfriend to buy anything from the case.

Aika was beginning to realize that without a job, baby, or a modeling career all she had in the United States was Josh and he may never give her the kind of engagement ring she wanted and felt she deserved. “Sometimes you make me feel like all you care about is money,” said Josh. “Look at where you are. Do you not like Applebee’s?” He refrained from adding he had a low sperm count.

90 Day Fiancé, Welcome to Real Life, Josh, Aika, Evelyn, David

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

1 Comment

  1. BlueVeronica

    November 27, 2017 at 10:48 pm

    Your synopsis is perfect. Your wit and sarcasm are priceless!
    Thanks for your article. I can’t stop smiling.

    Did you mean to say ” testicles” or was it something about the accent?

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