90-Day Fiance

90 Day Fiance Recap: Oh, Larry

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This week on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Darcey spent the night in a hotel, Myriam gave Patrick a tour of the city, Larry spent the money from his retirement account on a hotel room, and Abby’s other boyfriend Chris arrived in Haiti. 

DARCEY AND JESSE

GIVE IT TIME

Darcey had fallen deep in love with Jesse. She had already contemplated their engagement announcement; they would each be wearing their matching gold jackets caressing one another’s face in the moonlight. She worried Jesse was not on the same page, so she met with his nearly same aged mother Marian to get some clarity.  Marian, however, warned her that he was not ready for marriage and children. “Think about it,” said Marian to Darcey. “Give it time,” she added. It was not something a 42 year-old with dying eggs appreciated. She drowned her sorrows with a bottomless glass of chardonnay at a bar and ignored his calls.

WINE AND FURY

Back at his parliament Jesse stood in a silk robe with light up inflatable breasts in the middle of his IKEA bed. “This is frustrating since I have a schedule,” he said while fiddling with his light dimmer control. By the time she arrived at his apartment she had mascara running down her face and her hair tangled into the zipper of her jeans. “You seem so off,” he said as she tried to slap him a high-five. Had he not been so wishy washy about the future off their relationship she would have arrived sober and ready for sex. “I went dresser shopping today,” he whispered. It had not been enough to satisfy her. She wanted him to give her a ring, not a piece of furniture to stuff her t-shirts.

The next morning she woke up in a hotel room. She had grown tired of his controlling manner. “Last night was a total disaster,” he told a producer as he paced back and forth in his studio apartment.  “It was a shock to see her that way,” he said before explaining the night culminated with her running into a set of bushes. “I am starting to doubt everything.”

PATRICK AND MYRIAM

TOUR GUIDE

Patrick took the night to process Myriam’s news that she had a boyfriend. During a FaceTime discussion with his mother he shared the surprising development. “She got what?” she asked. “What the hell do you mean she have a boyfriend?” He wondered what he should do. “I think you should get your happily ass off the Internet is what I think you should do.”

Despite his heartache he asked Myriam to give him a tour of the city. He was determined to make her understand that she was making the biggest mistake of her life.

Side note: Do you think her boyfriend is watching this episode? 

LARRY AND JENNY

HIS NOSE

“You are perfect,” said Larry to Jenny in the airport shuttle. The producer asked what she liked most about Larry. “I like his nose,” she answered with the enthusiasm of someone on death row. “Uh, thank you,” he replied adjusting his oversized tracker hat. This was Larry’s first trip outside the United States and possibly his last trip before getting abducted or murdered in a foreign country. “I don’t care what Carl said,” said Jenny about his disapproving cousin from a room that looked similar to a cell commonly used for media interviews on 48 Hours Mystery.

He happily noted to producers he had spent all the money from his retirement account on their stay at a resort in Manila, five hours from Jenny’s apartment.

14 YEARS

Larry had not been with a woman in 14 years, so a woman likely catfishing 25 other men across the globe seemed like a sure bet. “If all goes well,” Larry said 6 hours into the adventure,” I will ask Jenny to marry me before I leave this country.”

For Larry it was important that they wait until they mutually agreed they were headed to the alter before sex. He had been with two women in his earlier life, which resulted in offspring. They had no intention of marrying him, which basically scarred him for life. “We should just sleep in one bed,” said Jenny.” He took it as a moral virtue; she saw it is a way to avoid taking her pants off.

All of Jenny’s ex-boyfriends were Americans, she explained, and with none did she find true love. “What a shock,” said everyone watching this show.

SEAN AND ABBY

Sean still worried about Abby’s relationship with a middle-aged white man with nothing better to do than to rescue a young woman seeking financial support from a foreign country. You know, much like him.  “I just want to know my wife is my wife,” Sean tried to explain to her from the lookout point of a prison. “Uh, I am your girlfriend,” she calmly responded.

MEET CHRIS

They could not conceivably move forward until it was clear to him that Abby had moved on from Chris. The only way he could assess their weird relationship was to meet Chris at café in the middle of the day. He waited quietly while she picked Chris up from the airport arrivals.

“How are you, baby?” Chris asked Abby as they giggled in the back of a car. He tried to kiss her, but she told him to kiss her forehead instead. “I love her and she loves me,” he explained to a producer. Their relationship made sense to him, he only saw her during warm months, long enough for them to share quality time and a skin rash.

NEXT WEEK:

Paul sprints into the jungle while a cameraman gets mugged with a machete.

Larry, 90 Day Fiance, Before 90 Days, recap, Jenny, Abby, Sean, Chris

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

2 Comments

  1. Auntheehee

    October 2, 2017 at 8:03 am

    Turns out that Chris & Abby have scabies together. YUCK but scabies are still better than creepy Sean.

  2. Jackie

    October 19, 2017 at 12:27 pm

    What the holy hell is up with the floral silk robe Jesse is wearing? And why is he always watching the Netflix Yule Log?

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