90-Day Fiance

90 Day Fiance Recap: Amazon River

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SEASON 1 • EPISODE 5

This week on 90 Day Fiancé: Before 90 Days: Patrick left for Paris, while Myriam fret over a secret she had been keeping. Paul asked Karine to take a pregnancy and STD test after swimming in the Amazon river. Sean faced tough questions from Abby’s parents. Larry’s new girlfriend wouldn’t delete her account on Filipino Cupid. 

AMAZON RIVER

After a first night in a motel covered by a mosquito tent Paul and Karine enjoyed an afternoon dip in the Amazon River. “For the love of God, if there is one thing you must understand it is that you should never go in the water,” said the nurse who vaccinated Paul before embarking on this journey. Paul asked Karine via a translation app if she also worried about poisonous fish. “What about the ones that swim up your urethra?” he asked. “Do you worry about piranhas?” She assured him that the piranhas would not harm him, but this was coming from someone whose childhood pet was an anaconda.

Since Paul loved Karine he comprised by wearing a cooling vest and lounge pants, and then did a short prayer hoping he would not succumb to typhoid. “Poop water,” he screamed while spitting out water after emersion. Karine had not yet seen this neurotic side. “I am what one would call a germaphobe,” he tried to explain while standing next to a dorm fridge filled with medications and Vitamin water. Despite this he had dirty fingernails.

STD AND PREGNANCY

After visiting with a local tribe and participating in a native ceremony Paul visited with her father once again. He tried desperately to express to him via hand gestures that he loved his daughter and would like his blessing for her hand in marriage. Instead it looked like he was reenacting how he had planned to stick his penis inside her body. As one would imagine Karine’s father had his concerns. “I don’t understand anything he just said,” her father explained to producers. He beckoned his wife Gracilene to type out their mutual wishes on Paul’s now nearly broken phone. “You have our blessing,” Gracilene punched out and then they reluctantly held Paul in their arms. They didn’t know what the hell Paul said most of the time, but they were hopeful their daughter would use this opportunity to escape the jungle.

The only hiccup, of course, was that Paul wanted Karine to take an STD and pregnancy test. There was no way a man that anxiety prone was going to share himself physically unless he knew she came without disease or another man’s baby. “It’s been an issue for me in previous relationships,” he reasoned.

CUPID

Larry, 37, from Florida managed a local McDonalds. His overseas girlfriend Jenny, whom he had only seen on his phone, he met on Filipino Cupid. Like many men unable to find a relationship in the tri-state area, Larry sought companionship from a woman born into a subservient culture. “They hold more traditional values,” he explained, which basically meant they follow my rules. He had kept the relationship secret from his sons, who were his closest friends. “Don’t you think it’s weird?” one asked. “You know she’s probably cat fishing you,” said the other. For Larry her un-filtered photo stood head and shoulders above the 217 messages he received immediately upon opening an account.

Jenny, however, was still active on Filipino Cupid. Maybe she could do better than a McDonalds manager in Florida? Perhaps she could find someone who ran an Arby’s in Pennsylvania? “Are you still active on the site where we met and fell in foreign love?” he asked. She pretended she had just risen from a nap and calmly explained that her phone (which she basically explained was a piece of shit) would spontaneously login to the site. He believed her. He packed her candy in his suitcase.

UP AND AWAY

Patrick’s mother and hairdresser also worried he was also making a big mistake. “She doesn’t know you have a child?” his mother Nettie cried. Apparently Myriam had a secret of her own. She shared the same logic with Patrick. Let’s wait until someone spends 8 hours on a plane before sharing news they are financially and emotionally responsible for another human.

IS HE THE ONE?

It was nice for Abby to spend time with Sean in Haiti. She still, however, kept her other middle-aged American boyfriend Chris in the wings. Whoever was willing to give her more money would win out in the end. Her parents barely took the situation seriously. “We worry,” said her father Renel while sitting in a semi-circle of lawn chairs. Her mother explained that many men arrived in Haiti long enough to get some action and then return to their home country. Sean promised them he would not do the same. He understood, after all, having four children of his own, his youngest almost the same age as their daughter. Still despite his insistence he would love her throughout her lifetime Abby secretly worried he was perhaps not the one.

NEXT WEEK:

Cortney waits for her Spanish boyfriend to show up to a restaurant.

90 Day Fiance: Before 90 Days , Amazon

 

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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