Humor

15 Valentine’s Day Cards You Can’t Find at Hallmark

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Happy Valentine’s Day!

I have always harbored a secret dream to start my own greeting card company. I know how hard it is to find a thoughtful Valentine’s Day card, so I’ve come up with a few ideas.

This is just in case you have trouble finding the perfect card to express your love.

15 Valentine’s Day Cards You Can’t Find at the Hallmark Store:

  1. Thank you for overlooking the way I secretly read through your emails and text messages while we were dating because I was worried the reason you hadn’t proposed was because your ex-girlfriend was still trying to contact you.
  2. Sometimes I smile when I think about how much we lied in our online profiles.
  3. I am sorry I kept from you that I am an ugly sleeper until after the honeymoon.
  4. I will always remember the way you supported me wanting ten bridesmaids in our wedding even though I no longer speak to at least seven of them.
  5. You’ve been with me through the good times (my job promotions) and the bad (when I had to go back to therapy to deal with my parents).
  6. Please understand the lights will be off tonight if we eat Italian food.
  7. Not to stress you out, but my last boyfriend got me exceptional gifts.
  8. I have loved every gift your secretary has bought for me. Happy Valentine’s Day.
  9. I appreciate the way you still found me attractive despite that horrible haircut in 2008.
  10. If they made a TV movie about our love story I would make sure the person who played you was hot.
  11. Thank you for all the times you tell me I am beautiful even though I’ve worn workout clothes for three weeks straight.
  12. Thank you for all the times you sat with me and watched The Bachelor and the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunions even though you said it made you lose brain cells.
  13. If I ever compete on American Idol I will sing something for you during the elimination rounds.
  14. When I look at the kids I remember the way you pretended you didn’t have to vomit when they came out of my vagina.
  15. I feel the same way about you that Lionel Richie felt about his student in the Hello video.

And the card would play Lost In Your Eyes by Debbie Gibson when you opened it.

 

 

Valentine's Day, cards, love, marriage

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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