Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap in Tweets
I thought about writing a full recap of last night’s Real Housewives of New Jersey, but I realized it would be easier to just list all of my tweets from last night. Because nothing really happened. Kids went to school, Teresa made up lies, and Caroline is still angry. Kathy Wakile is a snoozer. Melissa thinks she is 24. Milania joined the Crips. You know, same old thang. (Tweets below)
But what was most interesting to me was Watch What Happens Live. Teresa addressed allegations that Joe had been cheating on her last year while they visited Napa. What about that mysterious phone call? “He was speaking to his friend Albie. Which at the – Albie was a person he grew up with – and at the time was his driver and was taking care of everything. Then he handed the phone over to his Spanish worker, so that’s, you know. So first he was speaking to Albie then he handed the phone over to, um Claudio his name is.”
That’s right. “Albie” is his driver, the one he also calls “babe” regularly.
What did she think of him slamming her?
“The word that he called me, I didn’t hear it at that moment, I saw it a year later. You know, I was shocked of course, I was hurt. Um, am I going to divorce him after hearing that a year later? No. I mean he did make up for it.” How so? She says with diamonds.
DIAMONDS? With what money?
Is she serious?
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Tweets from last night:
I love these conversation wrap-ups as if they hadn’t talked about this for days.
Milania doesn’t go to school. She works at a construction site.
Teresa’s track suit is stonewashed. classy.
Teresa thinks her husband is smart and always right. Which explains their financial problems.
The Wakile story line is about as interesting as a handbell concert.
Rich Wakile naked would still somehow include a collar up. And maybe sock less penny loafers.
Is Melissa serving meatloaf with Pepperidge Farms Milano cookies on the side? Hang on while I dry heave. (Correction: It was banana bread).
Kathy wanted to serve to Teresa all the family recipes she had hijacked for her cookbook.
Meanwhile Audriana set the house on fire.
Teresa thinks life is all about great sex. Joe agrees too. Just ask his mistress.
Melissa is always dressed up for a dance video. Just in case a record producer calls or the kids are playing dance revolution.
Fun fact: student guides are always the biggest losers in college.
Milania has zero interest in Melissa’s kid. They’re too “straight-edge.”
I am sure University of Maryland admissions department is thrilled to know Victoria Wakile can’t identify the White House.
Does Teresa get a tax write off for these faux fur coats and sequin dresses? How is that in her budget?
Teresa’s new drink is one part gasoline and one part bitterness. Delicious!
Dina wanted to support Teresa and promote her new show on the design channel.
The label on Teresa’s bottle looks like moonshine.
2 Responses to “Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap in Tweets”
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Milania joined the Crips = BEST EVER
Hilarious! I thought the banana bread looked like meatloaf too.