Dear TLC: Honey Boo Boo – What?
Dear TLC,
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo? Are you serious with this?
I guess I should have expected some sort of shit show after you peddled that Gosselin show for years. It’s not exactly uplifting to watch a miserable couple in central Pennsylvania figure out how to raise their eight kids on a budget set by a 28 year-old balding man and a fame hungry she-devil. I went cold turkey after the show where she got a free stomach stapling.
I understand your show Toddler & Tiaras is a big hit too, but after seeing commercials with a three year old dressed like the hooker in Pretty Women I thought better of myself. There’s just something disheartening about a 23 year-old named Crystal spray tanning her toddler, spackling her with Mac makeup, and then forcing her child who still wear pull-ups into an evening gown so a panel of judges can critique them on personality and talent. You know what kind of talent a three-year old has? Going to the bathroom without a toilet insert. Maybe instead of spending eleven hours perfecting their child’s dance routine to Salt and Pepa’s “Push It” they could spend that time reading a couple books or running through some flash cards? Just an idea.
So I am guessing you saw some sort of potential star in this Honey Boo Boo. She seems like a sweet gal, but I’m a little worried about her future. Are you concerned at all that she subsides on a diet of funions, corn nuts, and spaghetti smothered in melted Country Crock and ketchup? That perhaps it isn’t healthy for her family to be playing an old fashioned round of smell my stank breath? Maybe it is not a good idea that she’s raised by a mother who tells her siblings that it is okay to reserve brushing your teeth for major holidays? It is generally a good idea to wear shoes, especially when spending your afternoon walking the aisles of a gas station mini mart?
I get it. It’s good for ratings. Everyone loves a good story about an All-American family. But is this a good way for the rest of the world to see us? Can’t we find a family who doesn’t have to force their 17-year old pregnant daughter to change her underwear and sweatpants because she peed on the couch? Maybe a family who spends their extra money on educational materials and not on cases of mayonnaise and barbeque sauce?
Because at this point I don’t know where you can go from here.
Thanks,
Kate
6 Responses to “Dear TLC: Honey Boo Boo – What?”
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I love you. That is all.
End scene.
i cant believe child-services hasnt intervened.
I consider myself a connoisseur of really bad tv, but even I can’t stomach these mountain dew mouth pigs. I seriously felt nauseous & turned the channel. So gross.
I don’t watch this show, but the best part of it is this: All of these moms, dolling up their little princesses for pageants, signing releases to be on television because this might be their big break… And THIS is the kid who gets her own show. Eden Wood, who fancies herself a star, along with her mother, got some little show on some network most people don’t even get. She dropped out of pageants to work on her Hollywood career. She didn’t get the TLC show. (I know this because I live near her, I hate pageants) Hysterical!!!
So you caved and watched it after all?! So glad you mentioned the “special getti sauce.” I could vomit just thinking about what that must taste like. Did you notice one of the kids was actually EATING her “getti” out of the Country Crock tub?
How about that anniversary dinner at the picnic buffet. Ugh.