Celebrity Baby Shots are Annoying
I love celebrity baby photo shoots. They are an inspiring sight, no? The couple holding their new baby while sitting in front of a fan having their fresh hair extensions blowing in the wind. Their makeup softening their dewy faces and their outfits chosen from a stylist that has spent the last few days pulling clothes from designer showrooms. This all the while their newborn sleeps sweetly in the nape of their neck.
What’s reality? A mother sitting on her side because the ass donut she purchased from CVS keeps slipping from underneath her only making her raging case of hemorrhoids worse. The military strength Maxi Pad she’s forced to wear inhibiting her from wearing anything that is without a drawstring. The saddlebags from completing no more than one hour brackets of sleep. The oily strings of hair nestled into a rat’s nest on top of her head with the help of a plastic lime green elastic. Her jugs swollen and chapped resting underneath a ripped maternity top and large leafs of cabbage.
I’m sure Life & Style wants to see that. Perhaps a tour of the new parent’s home littered with Swaddler diapers, soiled onesies, and a prescription for Percocet? Maybe a shot of the squirt bottle of warm water on top of the toilet to spray the perineum?
The minute you bring a baby home, regardless if it comes out of your vagina or not, your beauty takes a back seat. It’s hard to look fun and sexy when you can’t wax your unibrow because you’ve got a screaming baby at home who needs you. It’s hard to look trendy when sweat pants are the only logical answer to dodging vomit and diarrhea. It’s hard to look fresh and sassy when you can’t find time to get your hair colored, let alone enough time to take an adequate shower.
What a new mother really looks like. Dazed and confused. High on prescription medication. Oily. Shell shocked.
4 Responses to “Celebrity Baby Shots are Annoying”
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Don’t forget the extra large bottle of Colace. And you know they airbrush the shit out of those broads so they look thinner.
i spy chips and salsa…
They were so good.
That’s what you call a bad picture? You don’t look pregnant OR like you’ve just given birth. I looked like a linebacker. Literally.