It’s always interesting to me how some people like to reinvent history. Like my dad, for example, who pretends he is an Irish-American who attended boarding school back in the homeland and has changed his name and accent to fit his new truth. Jessica Biel uses the same modus operandi. Having Justin Timberlake cheat on you regularly and break it off is a figment of everyone else’s imagination apparently. Instead she is now saying their minor breakup last year was because she needed to be alone for a while. “I think that when you take the time to stand by yourself as an independent person, and you find out that you actually are capable of moving forward alone and being fine on your own, then that is a very empowering feeling to have.” So begging him to take you back while your management team put together a post breakup strategy plan never happened?
Celebrities really are the best at this. I say if you are going to go – go big. If I were the publicist I would have had Britney Spears say the real reason she shaved her head at the peak of her mental breakdown was because she wanted to improve her hair growth and not as a way to avoid a potential drug test. Or that the reason Lindsay Lohan shows up late to every movie set is because she’s up late studying for her GMAT and not involved in a police chase through Hollywood after falling face first out of a nightclub while on probation. You just get creative and stay committed to your lie.
Kristen Stewart should have denied making out with the Director of her movie. She should have said she met him along the side of the road on Mulholland in the middle of the day in sweatpants and let him grope her as part of a secret mission to entrap a paparazzi in a forthcoming documentary. She could have said they were scene blocking for the sequel to their movie. That she was actually putting together a funny video as a surprise for his wife’s 40th birthday present where she would reenact all the intimate moments they never seem to have time for anymore since they now have kids, work commitments, and he’s become more interested in making out with women he’s not actually married to. She should have called me. I could have helped her come up with a great one.