How about the women’s gymnastics commentators at the London Olympics? They are really something, aren’t they? I am most impressed with Al Trautwig, a man with no shortage of overly dramatic observations during the telecast. They are part elder Olympic statesman and part Colombian telenovela. We should all agree everyone gets pretty jazzed about Olympic gymnastics. Because outside of the Summer Olympics who wants to watch a gymnastics meet? Like you are going to sit around with your buddies throwing back margaritas and arguing over technical deductions after the floor exercise. Know anyone with gymnastics trading cards? Has anyone been indicted in an illegal gymnastics betting ring? But every four years everyone is sobbing in front of their televisions sets. So you would think when all of us commit to supporting our country and watching the team and all-round competitions they could find some better lines.
Some of Al Trautwig’s finest observations:
- “She may be going from the abyss to the mountaintop.”
- “If you’re going to do the greatest vault of your life, you might as well do it in the Olympics, McKayla Maroney.”
- “They say that a crowded arena can be the most lonely place.”
Here are a few lines I believe would have been more useful to sum up the evening’s most intense moments for the viewing audience.
( These are all, by the way, said in a hushed tone).
- “This sh-t is about to get real.”
- “She’s no joke, yo.”
- “They came with a dream and leave hoping they can return to their communist country without getting stoned.”
- “She leaves tonight with a gold medal, but still without a period.”
- “She will never have this chance again to straddle the hopes and dreams of the entire world.”
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