Thank you again for all of your phone calls, letters, text messages, and half-naked photo submissions in your efforts to be cast on the upcoming All Star season of Dancing With the Stars. At this point, as you probably know from our non-returned calls and emails, we have decided to go in another direction.
We just feel like you don’t have a strong enough story line this season. America, we feel, is kind of tired of your mom jeans and your feathered weave. It’s just hard to gather up support when most people consider you a “sad excuse for a mother” or a “fame sucking desperado”. So that’s why we went with Bristol Palin.
Here’s a suggestion. Maybe you can round up the local celebrities in Reading, Pennsylvania and get a local version of the show going? I bet the Chamber of Commerce would be thrilled to have you emcee or participate. How about those Siamese twins where the one sister sings country and the other just hangs out? Or there has go to be someone who has appeared on Amazing Race or one of the Real World/Road Rules shows in a 50-mile radius. Get them on board. We’re sure it would be a hit.
Best of luck to you, your 18 children, your lazy ex-husband, and that bodyguard you are obviously boning. And Happy Holidays if we don’t catch up sooner.
The Production Team
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