Tom Cruise Likes to Interrogate His Kids
I think I can speak fairly on behalf of all imprisoned children because I did attend a boarding school from grades 9-12. Unlike the boarding schools typically in fiction I did not spend my time between classes riding horses and sailing. Instead I had to perform manual labor like scrubbing toilets and cleaning out vacuum cleaner bags. Sort of like the Scientology Sea Org, but without the physical intimidation and alien worship.
Katie Holmes, as you have heard, was very concerned Tom would ship Suri off to the Sea Org’s headquarters in California and subject her to Scientology schooling. It’s a whole lot more intense then say sending your child to St. Marguerita’s down the street because you drop them off and then return a handful of times before they can legally get a driver’s permit. Particularly concerning was a form of interrogation known as “sec checking” that happens when a child turns 6. The Village Voice explains that the Church’s Founder L. Ron Hubbard introduced a policy of “security checking,” called “sec checking” by Scientologists. It involves using the e-meter as an interrogation device, and Hubbard wrote lengthy lists of questions that a member should be asked by an “ethics officer” to make sure they weren’t hiding any covert hostilities to the organization. So you have to submit to “sec checking” when you are suspected of being out of compliance with some policy or other. And honestly, what 6 year old is completely compliant?
L. Ron Hubs was no joke. Here are some sample questions:
Have you ever decided you did not like some member of your family?
Is there anything about you your parents could not understand, even if you told them?
Have you ever forgotten to give food or water to a pet entrusted to your care?
Have you ever wanted something very much, but never told anybody about it?
Have you ever felt ashamed of your parents?
Have you ever run away when you should have stayed?
How do you think a normal 6 year old would answer these questions? I know, I understand Suri is incredibly smart and has already mastered photography, painting, sewing, and architecture. But let’s be real.
Here’s how I would have likely answered the same questions as a 6 year old:
Have you ever decided you did not like some member of your family?
My answer: Have you got a pen? Let’s start with my stepfather.
Is there anything about you your parents could not understand, even if you told them?
My answer: Hmm. That it’s embarrassing when I invite my friends over and he asks them to mow the lawn?
Have you ever forgotten to give food or water to a pet entrusted to your care?
My Answer: They can’t they just get their own food?
Have you ever wanted something very much, but never told anybody about it?
My Answer: The Osmond disco Barbies. A Ricky Schroeder poster. Atari. Cabbage Patch Kids.
Have you ever felt ashamed of your parents?
My answer: My stepfather wears sweatpants and slippers to Pizza Hut. What do you think?
Have you ever run away when you should have stayed?
My answer: Do you know someone who will take me?
One Response to “Tom Cruise Likes to Interrogate His Kids”
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You completely forgot about all the unfortunate and loud biological exclamations! as they say…Thanks for the memories…