Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Gorga Therapy
The Giudices are still putting up that carport in their driveway. It’s also going to be a sweet guest house for her parents or at the very least Joe’s hang out spot in the event he is put on house arrest. It’s taking some time because they are short on cash. Plus, as Teresa pointed out, why pay for stucco when you can violate child labor laws and get your own kids to the job? Just as Milania and Gabriella were finishing up resurfacing the retaining wall Rosie pulled up in her car. The kids had not seen her since she narrowly saved them from getting run over in front of their beach shack. Rosie just wanted to stop by and see if she could get to the bottom of all the tabloid stories. She just wanted to clear Kathy’s name. But Teresa insisted she had no idea where it all started. “I don’t have a computer in my head”, she said. Well, clearly. “I don’t start these things (tabloids) in my head”, she went on. She did, however, call the Editors of InTouch Weekly, US Magazine, and Life & Style on a regular basis and cash their checks every other Wednesday. Does that make her guilty? Rosie just wants to keep the peace. She’s had enough headaches. Teresa understands this and suggests to Rosie that Kathy always hated the fact that her sister was gay. “Don’t you remember that, Ro? When you’ze started wearing those extra large t-shirts and clogs I’ze told everyone you’ze was gay”. Teresa could be helpful like this.
The Manzos were anticipating their trip to Napa. No one actually likes Teresa and Joe, but how hard could it be getting stuck with a couple you despise for a few days? They had already extended the invitation. (And they also promised their client they would film an episode on the show). They also talked a bit about Ashlee. She is now in LA pursuing her life long dream of changing her physical appearance so she can look a little less like her mom and a little more like a stripper. Given her incredible work ethic and moral values the family gave her 48 hours.
Kathy decides to tag along with Rosie and her flirty friend Heather to a gay bar. “How do your people meet”, she asked? “Do you have a gang sign? Does everyone show up in turtlenecks and Birkenstocks?” What do they do in gay bars, she wondered? Instead of a dance floor do they have a model bathroom where you can take turns grouting tile? Is there a rock-climbing wall? So she was surprised to find out they serve cocktails and people have conversations. After throwing back a few Goldschlager shots they meet Briana whom Kathy generously offers to contact on Rosie’s behalf. After a few more rounds of shots and an Indigo Girls filled sing-along they headed back home.
Teresa told her girls she was meeting up with their Uncle Joe for lunch. Gia was pissed. She wasn’t exactly hopeful. She just wanted it like the old days when Aunt Melissa and her mom would rip out each other’s hair extensions and smudge each other’s drag makeup without cameras there. Teresa wasn’t very hopeful either. But was relieved once Joe arrived. “You’re wearing red”, Joe said to his sister. “That’s a sexy color.” Naturally something one would say to their sister. If this were going to work they would need to set aside their feelings and go into this physical therapy session with an open mind.
Dr. Michael, an expert on family and marriage therapy, was familiar with the dynamics of a sibling communication like theirs from his extensive schooling and from watching the last season with his wife while eating ice cream and nachos in bed. It was his goal to listen to both sides for at least three minutes and then offer them practical suggestions that anyone with a middle school level education could understand. What he did deduce from this visit was that the downfall of their relationship began when Joe decided to procreate with his wife. He had foolishly expected Teresa to show some interest, but she was too busy pushing out her third child. What did her brother expect? A card? A gift? A pack of diapers? And was she supposed to be nice to his wife? Not exactly easy to do when she has the hair and breast implants you have always wanted. Dr. Michael’s advice? Walk away from the past. (That won’t happen). Don’t ever sleep in the same RV together. (A clogged toilet and custom shades has never brought a family together). But Teresa was not biting. She had known better, of course. She had zero command of the English language, but could undoubtedly figure out how to clean up the shitstorm she had created.
So things look promising!
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So tired. This read was like an espresso shot of fabulous.