Dear Obsessed Twilight Fans,
You need to pull yourself together.
Kristen Stewart is really putting you into fits of rage and sobs? Just because she wanted to bang her director? I’d hate to think what you think about real life matters such as:
1. World Hunger
2. The Rise of AIDS cases in Africa.
3. Financial fallout in Greece.
4. The situation in Syria.
I am worried about you. I mean, sort of worried about you. Not like the kind of worry where I am going to keep checking on you and make sure you haven’t thrown yourself through a plate glass window. But the kind of worry from afar, where you look at someone push your sunglasses to the lower part of your nose and think to yourself, now that ain’t right.
You see where I am going on with this?
You need to wipe your face, turn off the computer, and take a shower. Maybe take off your cape and those fake fangs and take down the poster you’ve just scribbled over with your own blood.
Just take a deep breath and maybe take a walk around the block. I know, I get it. You haven’t seen the sun in a few months. But it’s good for you.
Oh, and by the way. I don’t think that kid Taylor is into girls.
Great. Are you still there? Did you just stab yourself?
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